The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/27/06
There is a great message in here. The last stanza is great. But I had problems getting past the visual of the piece ... a long line of "you" was tough to look at. The points are all fantastic, but I felt the repeating "you" was overdone. That said, this piece still has a lot to offer. It's got some gems burried in there. Nice creative attempt, but I fear just a touch wide of the mark.
04/28/06
I like this. I don't have a problem with the You You You... except it reminds me of my Dad talking to me! (kidding Dad!) This is creative and totally cool!
04/29/06
Aren't we amazingly created?! Thanks.
04/30/06
YOU gave me a lot to think about, alot to ponder, and alot to digest. Very creative and a lot of incredible truth to it all. God is the center of all we do, all we think...Great Job!
Blimey - talk about food for thought! I actually really liked all the 'you's' - it puts me on the spot, challanges me. This one made me sit up and take notice. Well done! God bless.
05/01/06
I think the most important line is "Thy will..." and it's very effective to have it stand out in all of the "yous". I'm sure that was your intent--the reader's eyes are constantly drawn to that line. Thy will--Thy will...

Very, very good.