The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
04/13/06
Excellent poem. I liked the repetition of some lines. I wasn't sure that I liked the placing of the Father and Son some three stanzas along - it implies that creation came first, rather than God being there before anything was created. I am just nit-picking! I loved the end!
Facinating style. I like it. Good job!
I agree with the comment regarding the placing of the Father and Son. The Creator must come before the creation. Other than that, very well told.
04/14/06
Agree with the above but otherwise loved the poem
04/15/06
Wow - powerful!

No critique on the poem from me - it blew me away.
04/15/06
I thought for a moment that the author was going to explain the "Big Bang" concept to us about planets colliding in outer space; but then comes the Father and the Son...that is why I agree THEY SHOULD COME FIRST; but all in all the poem is a work of art...and took alot of thought to put it together. Well done.
04/15/06
Right from the soul of a true artist! It will be interesting to see if this wonderfully creative piece was written by one of the three I am mentally assigning to its penning. :0) Excellent.
04/17/06
I'm very taken with the idea of the universe changing at pivotal moments in our spiritual history--but with the constant of the stars swirling overhead. A poem full of powerful imagery.
Creative approach! This stanza was my favorite:

And it was time.
The exact time.
The right time.
To prepare for
the darkest age,
the closed time,
the material time,
the individual time,
the one time.
Very good. I like the imagery of stars swirling overhead and the message that things happen over time, in time and are planned and purposed for those specific times. Nice.
This is a powerful time capsule in verse. I especially like the unique sense of swirling in the rhythm of the poem...swirling tightly with the shorter lines then expanding in a wider orbit momentarily with the repeated longer lines. The timeless quality of the poem is mesmerizing.