Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: FIZZLE (06/09/16)
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TITLE: The Price of Quit | Previous Challenge Entry
By Bill Price
06/16/16 -
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They quit in a fit of a half-hearted try.
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Iron-rusted, dull-blade spears,
Walls of weeds with bones decayed,
Empty armor, open gates,
unarmed arrows left of straight.
Echoed hallways, toppled thrones,
Banners torn on blood stained floors.
The fortress farce of Kingdom Fizzle,
In the Valley of Fail, in summer’s sizzle.
One day marched and then they crippled,
A dried up pond, without a ripple.
_____
They lied, they lied, they lied - they cried.
They quit in a fit of a half-hearted try.
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Lifeless trumpets, bent slides mute,
No crowns, no jewels,
Just bones of fools.
Faded flags now frown at dusk
Stream beds dried and moats of crust
Vipers and gnats quote odes to rats
And spineless remains of Socio-crats.
Empty wells and broken buckets
It’s sad, so sad, it’s sad – yes, sad.
_____
A dried up pond without a ripple
One day they marched and then they crippled.
In the Valley of Fail, in summer’s sizzle,
The fortress farce of Kingdom Fizzle.
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One line puzzles me: "One day they marched and then they crippled." Did they cripple others in their march? or did you mean one day they marched, and the next were crippled?
I love this on so many levels - the poetic structure, the blunt but concealed language, the raw and transparent emotion.... in a nutshell, kudos!
There was a day and a time this unnamed organization/unit marched as a force, then were crippled by the fizzle of goal's without heart, or lost or abandoned commitment; a half-hearted try.
I didn't want to spend many lines on that; more worried about the pace of the piece, but maybe I should have. Thank you for your input and time to comment. Nice to hear from you.
Congrats.
God bless~
Congratulations
Your poem was packed with imagery, and I marked it as a favorite.
How often has been me? Yikes.