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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: FIZZLE (06/09/16)
They cried, they cried, they cried - they lied.
They quit in a fit of a half-hearted try.

_____

Iron-rusted, dull-blade spears,
Walls of weeds with bones decayed,
Empty armor, open gates,
unarmed arrows left of straight.

Echoed hallways, toppled thrones,
Banners torn on blood stained floors.

The fortress farce of Kingdom Fizzle,
In the Valley of Fail, in summer’s sizzle.

One day marched and then they crippled,
A dried up pond, without a ripple.

_____

They lied, they lied, they lied - they cried.
They quit in a fit of a half-hearted try.

_____

Lifeless trumpets, bent slides mute,
No crowns, no jewels,
Just bones of fools.

Faded flags now frown at dusk
Stream beds dried and moats of crust
Vipers and gnats quote odes to rats
And spineless remains of Socio-crats.

Empty wells and broken buckets
It’s sad, so sad, it’s sad – yes, sad.

_____

A dried up pond without a ripple
One day they marched and then they crippled.

In the Valley of Fail, in summer’s sizzle,
The fortress farce of Kingdom Fizzle.
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This article has been read 554 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Leola Ogle
06/16/16
I am not a poetry person, but I LOVE this. Profoundness in few words. Excellent, excellent. God bless.
Verna Cole Mitchell 
06/16/16
A real gift of poetry--this!
Noel Mitaxa 
06/18/16
Very clever and creative in its simplicity, although - in keeping with the topic - it got verse as it went on.
Ellen Carr 
06/19/16
I enjoyed this poem. I liked 'the Valley of Fail' and 'the fortress farce of Kingdom Fizzle' - nice imagery and some alliteration.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/19/16
You used the repetition expertly as the words just flowed off the page. You spoke volumes and touched by heart with your passion.
Catrina Bradley
06/21/16
I plan to read this a few more times so all of the imagery and allegory can sink in.

One line puzzles me: "One day they marched and then they crippled." Did they cripple others in their march? or did you mean one day they marched, and the next were crippled?

I love this on so many levels - the poetic structure, the blunt but concealed language, the raw and transparent emotion.... in a nutshell, kudos!
Bill Price
06/21/16
@Cat
There was a day and a time this unnamed organization/unit marched as a force, then were crippled by the fizzle of goal's without heart, or lost or abandoned commitment; a half-hearted try.

I didn't want to spend many lines on that; more worried about the pace of the piece, but maybe I should have. Thank you for your input and time to comment. Nice to hear from you.
Bill Price
06/21/16
I did repeat "they" twice in that line on-purpose, but I can see now where confusion could be created. They crippled themselves. If said they were crippled, the question would have been how that happened. Yes with more time that line needed more work. I appreciate the insight and feedback.
C D Swanson 
06/23/16
Nicely done Bill.

Congrats.

God bless~
Trudy Newell
06/23/16
I have to agree with Leola - Profoundness in few words!
Congratulations
Bonnie Bowden 
06/23/16
Congratulations, Bill, on your 4th place finish this week.

Your poem was packed with imagery, and I marked it as a favorite.
Noel Mitaxa 
06/23/16
Congratulations on your EC placing. Well done Bill.
Catrina Bradley
06/23/16
I've very glad to see this on the EC list. Thanks for your replies Bill. I've crippled myself many times. Congratulation, Sir!
Catrina Bradley
06/23/16
Reading it again, I see that if were more adept at reading poetry, this line should have explained it: "A dried up pond without a ripple". Wonderful imagery.
Ellen Carr 
06/24/16
Congratulations, Bill, on your EC!
Lea Austin
06/25/16
Congratulations on 4th Place!
Bea Edwards 
06/27/16
My favorite line was "They quit in a fit of a half-hearted try."

How often has been me? Yikes.