Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: INSOUCIANT (06/02/16)
- TITLE: Healing
By M. C. Syben
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It’s a Saturday afternoon, heavily clouded. Thunder rumbles in the distance and the smell of rain floats on the breeze. Lying on my back, feet slightly raised, I’m mesmerized by the clouds enfolding the Smoky Mountains. I feel like an otter I saw on Facebook, in a perfect moment of nirvana, floating on its back, eyes half shut with a baby lying upon its chest.
Finally, I’m calm enough to imagine drifting on the insouciant puffs of haze beyond my window blowing about carelessly. I mirror its apathy—a blessed respite from my neurotic reaction within my life lately. I thank God for this welcomed indifference, but I also ask Him to forgive me for my complacency. I don’t want to care anymore…not for a while. In this state of being, I detach.
My brain slows, allowing me to elicit vignettes of the previous year. I glimpse how the media effected my nervous system, how family pushed my buttons, and how I sank into fearful, self-concern. I flogged myself for limitations that age and physical frailties imposed upon me. Spinning like a top, I’ve been frenetically going nowhere fast. I’d disconnected from God. I had left Him, yet I had wondered where He had gone. Had the spirit disappeared? Was Jesus’ forgiveness still valid? When had my faith dissolved? What had happened to me? Had this life been all for naught?
Not wanting answers is simple. It’s easy to disregard the injustice around me, but soon I’m pricked by memories of wrongs done to me and survival cries out like a wailing widow, “It isn’t fair. Wake up, wake up. Worry, worry.”
“No, I need more time, here, in this place of nothingness,” my new-found attitude insists.
Suddenly, a hymn from long ago wafts upon a reverie:
Be not dismayed whate’er betide,
God will take care of you;
Beneath his wings of love abide,
God will take care of you.
God will take care of you,
through every day,
o’er all the way;
He will take care of you,
God will take care of you.
The melody soothes. I move through the weightless abyss to the Garden of Gethsemane. Yes, everyone around me remains asleep, oblivious to my needs; I continue still alone. But, at last, I feel grateful for, in the past, I have had the privilege to experience the love and peace that surpasses all understanding. That memory anchors me. I drift re-purposed: to rest, regenerate, and regain strength. I include thankfulness and praise as I repose. I can only voice bits and pieces, for now, but more will come as the vagaries of the world that I allowed in are washed away.
I’m not ‘insouciant’ by nature, not flippant, indifferent or uncaring. Maybe its appearance is the first sign for my need to withdraw from a world bombarded by power-hungry politics, terrorism, insanity, anger, bullying, sadness, poverty, and by spiritual delinquency.
Retreating allows hope to find me, in my little cabin in the clouds, and to remember: I do care, deeply I do. So, no more self-condemnation—I am God’s child. I do what I can through ministries of my choosing. I thank God for others who can roll up their sleeves and jump into the arena.
Already, my healing begins. Let me linger here a little longer communing with nothing but the Creator and His creation before my heart attempts to walk in lower altitudes once more amongst the predators and thieves of serenity.
Romans 14:17-19: For the kingdom of God is… but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
Romans 13:12-14: Put on the armor, … clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ.
(God Will Take Care of You
Text: Civilla D. Martin
Music: W. Stillman Martin)
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