The Official Writing Challenge
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A moving story. The reader can see well into the heart of your MC.
This masterfully written story touched my heart.
08/02/14
Poignant, and well done!

God bless~
I couldn't put this down. It has all the right elements - compassion, caring on Jake's part. What a sweetheart . . .
08/05/14
The story plot was very good.

I don't want you to think I am too critical, but in order to grow, honesty is the best medicine.

Wonderful story, but I was confused from the beginning.

I didn't know who was doing the talking at times. A tag after would have helped me at the beginning to know who was doing the talking. Once I got the characters down it was easier.

Re-read your story so you can clean up some of the misspelled words. Minor issue, but I know after I read mine several times my mind knows what I wanted to say but I might have misspelled it and overlooked it. Put it down and go back later.

Hope this helps. God bless.
08/05/14
Wow...your ending twist floored me. Good job!

There was one place where I got a little mixed up about who the pronouns were referring to. "Mr Evans says something quietly to her and the lady leaves the café.
She says sorry."
Was the "her" the lady? I wonder if it might work to reverse and say "to the lady" and "she leaves"?
Perhaps she might say sorry before leaving, or as she is walking out?

At any rate, that's just me. I REALLY enjoyed the story. You did a beautiful job of bringing characters' emotions to life within such a short word limit.
08/06/14
Oh my my my. You crafted an amazing, multifaceted tale in a few words.

One of my favorites this week.