The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/10/14
Oh my goodness, your story certainly fit the topic completely and then some!

I felt for the MC and my heart wanted to come over and help. Great writing, well done. I visualized the entire scene before my eyes.

God bless~
05/13/14
The emotion comes through clearly in this. Excellent writing!
I can feel the pain of the MC right from the very beginning. It was palpable and made me want to reach in and hold her. The beginning piqued my interest and made me want to keep reading.

You could tighten it up some by changing walked slowly to ambled and The day was Saturday. The supermarket closed at midday. to Since it was Saturday, the supermarket had closed at noon.

You did a nice job of infusing the topic throughout the story. I also liked how strong the MC was even though everything seemed a wreck around her. Nicely done.