Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Omnishambles (05/01/14)

TITLE: Moving House
By Fiona Stevenson


The telephone shrill broke the comfortable silence enhanced by the chink of cup on saucer and the shuffle and hiss as the burning wood shifted in the fireplace. Steven pushed his chair back and walked unhurriedly to his office. Letty rose to gather the emptied plates and cups to the sink. After the cold and damp winter’s day the warmth of the kitchen was very inviting. Her hands were deep in the sudsy sink when Steven returned, frowning.

“That was Donald. He says they will be here early tomorrow to move us to Tombola.”

“Tomorrow!” Letty dropped the cup in her hands back into the sink. “But they’re not supposed to be coming for another two weeks. Why are they coming tomorrow?”

“Apparently David will be free tomorrow so all the plans are changed.”

Working with a services agency, Steven was establishing a base in a rural town. Although Tombola was a smaller centre the agency there was one of the earliest established in the local region. But the health of the business was declining as rapidly as the health of the current manager. Steven was asked to move to Tombola where the agency owned both a business office and a residence until a new man could be trained to take over. As the distance between Tombola and Ridgely took only an hour to drive, he would still be responsible for the Ridgely enterprise as well. Donald, Regional Manager, was based three hours to the north-east of Tombola, and he was arranging details of the move and supervising the take-over procedures.

Although they had begun to box the books in preparation for the move, little else had been done. There was scant sleep for Steven and Letty that night as they worked to pack and prepare items for transport.

The sky was dark with low, threatening clouds. The wind was knife edged. It was midmorning before a long flatbed trailer drew up in the street before the house, followed by a farm truck and Donald’s car. David brought wife Sandra and their six month old baby with him. John came alone. Donald was accompanied by two young men, enthusiastic but inexperienced. Letty provided coffee and hastily made sandwiches while the men discussed the loading plan.

The fetching and carrying started. Now the inexperience became obvious. No provision was made for padding, covering or securing the load on the flatbed trailer. Blankets were unpacked and used for padding. Steven visited the local hardware store and returned with ropes and a tarpaulin. Letty watched and wept while she packed the cups and plates. At midday she went to the supermarket for paper plates and cups, and bought a dozen and a half hot pies. Steven packed the microwave into the boot of the car with two folding chairs and the newly packed crockery. Letty was to take Sandra and the baby, open the house and await the arrival of truck and trailer.

The rain started shortly before they reached Tombola. While she was driving Letty realised she had no provisions for the weekend. Leaving Sandra at the house she sought the local supermarket. The day was Saturday. The supermarket closed at midday. She found a service station with a small shop where she could buy bread and a few tins of soup. While they were waiting she would butter bread and as soon as she had a saucepan, heat the soup.

It was early dark before the truck and trailer arrived. The tarpaulin was used to cover the boxes. The furniture, mattresses and bedding were wet and muddy. Muddy? David was not aware that the highway linked Ridgely with Tombola. He drove an alternate route over a secondary, unsealed road.

There was no order to the unloading. It was simply a matter of getting everything under cover as quickly as possible. Letty used her tea towels to dry chairs and table. The bread and soup vanished in hungry gulps and the workers departed to begin their long journey home.

Exhausted, Steven and Letty looked at each other across the sodden mattresses and stacked furniture.

“Where is the vacuum cleaner?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” He looked around helplessly. “Why?”

“I want to clean the carpet. We’ll have to sleep on the floor – if I can find any dry bedding.” She started to cry. “Such a shambles! This will take forever to sort out and I am so tired.”

Steven took her in his arms, lending comfort while she sobbed.

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 162 times
Member Comments
Member Date
C D Swanson 05/10/14
Oh my goodness, your story certainly fit the topic completely and then some!

I felt for the MC and my heart wanted to come over and help. Great writing, well done. I visualized the entire scene before my eyes.

God bless~
Beth LaBuff 05/13/14
The emotion comes through clearly in this. Excellent writing!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/14/14
I can feel the pain of the MC right from the very beginning. It was palpable and made me want to reach in and hold her. The beginning piqued my interest and made me want to keep reading.

You could tighten it up some by changing walked slowly to ambled and The day was Saturday. The supermarket closed at midday. to Since it was Saturday, the supermarket had closed at noon.

You did a nice job of infusing the topic throughout the story. I also liked how strong the MC was even though everything seemed a wreck around her. Nicely done.