The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Aww, sweet story. Fitting title too! A bit of red ink--the pesky little comma! I think the first sentence has too many commas which gives the reader an unnecessary pause. Perhaps this would be better: "Though openness and honesty are fine Christian values for a first date, Beverly seemed a little too transparent. It seemed as if she had known me for a long time."
And then later I think you need some commas in the sentence about the mother. "Unless, of course, you know my mother..."
Any one agree? Disagree?
You did a wonderful job with the creepy feeling of being stalked and then, when he seemed okay with it, I felt a little better. But, I think you did a great job in subtly presenting the weirdness of it all and left me puzzling, in a good way.
Well written and delightful tale. I enjoyed it completely!

God bless~
My favorite part was him talking to his mom. "Still talking." Ha! I can relate to that.

I'm totally guilty of googling people. It's a really bad habit. Like internet eavesdropping.

I almost wish the story hadn't been tied up so neatly; that maybe old Bev turned out to be crazy, but that's just me. I thought the story was super cute and I really enjoyed it.
Congratulations on ranking 13 overall! Happy Dance.