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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: googled (04/10/14)

TITLE: You Have Been Googled
By Frankie Kemp


Please don’t think I’m mocking you. That’s not what this is. Trust me—it doesn’t come so lightly or from the outside looking in. It’s the inside out kind, and it starts in the mirror. It’s the kind that begs for iron to sharpen iron—at least I want it to be so.

Today I see the world with middle-aged eyes, and the condition of mankind comes at me in full force—a media superblitz on wall-sized home theaters and hand-held information highways in brazen, inviting, high-definition obsession. Of course, Christian people are going to react and participate in the culture of this mad, mad world. I see that, too. Then, in that curious space that is my writer’s ready nature, I catch a glimpse of an old character—not mine. She’s a cruel exaggeration from years ago Saturday nights. I see her and hear those pursed lips tsking, “Well, isn’t that special?” Honestly—I laughed at her back then—and then I felt conflicted for laughing. Still do. Was the Church Lady in tight-curled wig, woolen suit, and horn-rimmed glasses a one-sided caricature? Maybe. But—can’t we acknowledge that caricatures take root in some truth soil?

I find myself writing a mind script for her today, that Church Lady. She rolls her eyes and tilts her chin sidewards. She leans in toward the camera and points her fingers saying, “And now the symbol for a certain internet web browser thingy is actually THAT number? Yes, friends, you have all been googled!” She puts her hands neatly together on the desk and sits up straighter. “Anti-Christ. Blood Moon. The End-of-the-world, people. Get right or get left. Who could it be? Could it be . . . . Satan? Now, isn’t that special?”

It’s not funny—not at all funny—and trust me, I want no part in mocking my Father in heaven whose mystery is not so easily grasped. Nor do I wish to make my Brothers and Sisters, whom I dearly love, an object of derision. I do believe Jesus will keep every promise he ever made. Why, then, the Church Lady? I am frustrated—frustrated that so many might be missing the point, frustrated by my own blindness. We have a case of mistaken identity. Do we know what it means to be the Bride?

We’ve been told we are supposed to live every day like it is “that day.” Knowing this, are we spending our time playing the role of Church Ladies when we ought to be inviting people to the wedding feast? Instead of using our voices to shout to unhearing ears that they are about to rot in hell for eternity, why aren’t we out there loving them as best we can because we have remembered what an amazing mercy and grace WE have been given. We know—we know, don’t we, that their best shot is the same as ours--to see Jesus and accept the big fat engagement ring He bought?

Maybe what the world is rejecting in us isn’t Jesus. Maybe it’s the Church Lady. Yes, I know—sometimes it IS Jesus they are rejecting—and we have been told that is going to happen, too. But if we don’t ever face the truth that sometimes it’s just dadgum us that they are mocking and ignoring, well . . . “Isn’t that special?”

It starts in me. I must confront the Church Lady in the mirror. “So, I’ve been googled, huh? Let me tell you something about my Betrothed--He says I am supposed to live like I believe what He said. The anti-Christ in me is dying daily, honey, and I am finally learning what redeeming the time looks like—even on the internet. I ain’t afraid of no ghosts, girlfriend. Now, get out of my way so that I can keep the appointments my Father has for me today. We’re getting ready for a wedding.”

I suspect some of you might be highly offended by this. Some might even begin to speculate about my doctrinal beliefs or motivations. No one needs a microscope to uncover logs in my eyes, but if you need one to see my engagement ring— then, I really have a problem. All I can ask is for a little grace-- grace for all of us. I want to see the Bride in the mirror, not the Church Lady. Ephesians . . . ALL of it . . . REAL kind of special.
Writer requests that the following NOT be included in word count:
The Church Lady was a recurring character brought to life by the actor Dana Carvey on the popular American Television show, Saturday Night Live, from 1986-1990.

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This article has been read 288 times
Member Comments
Member Date
C D Swanson 04/19/14
Well written entry with a message that resonates and a timely reminder of our "waiting for our bridegroom." Excellent writing.

God bless~
Toni Hammer04/19/14
Absolutely fabulous. The speech you gave yourself in the mirror gave me chills. I enjoyed every word of this and commend you for your transparency. You were frank and honest, and the comedy thrown in was perfect. Great work.
Charla Diehl 04/19/14
This entry would be a great Sunday sermon. I applaud your raw honesty and thank you for this "special" piece which packs a powerful message. "Get right or get left!"
Joe Moreland04/19/14
So, so perfect. We have to remember that it so very possible for us to be the stumbling block that keeps others from having what we have. I know, I know - we don't save anyone Christ does. And I've encouraged others in sharing their testimony by telling them "you can't say the right thing to the wrong person, and you can't say the wrong thing to the right person" - either Christ is calling someone or he's not.

BUT - we sure can get in the way sometimes. By being unforgiving, intolerant, bigoted, unforgiving or just plain hard-hearted. It just breaks my heart when someone walks away from a church because they feel they just can't be accepted there.

What a great job you did of bringing home this point. May we all do a better job of being a reflection of Christ in that mirror, instead of ourselves.
Judith Gayle Smith04/21/14
Riveting! Held my attention throughout. I chuckled and reminisced with "The Church Lady" - saw myself in her character now and then.

We all are growing in Him. and we must be patient with ourselves and others, as God's perfect timing prepares the opportunity to help His children grow.
Judith Gayle Smith04/21/14
Riveting! Held my attention throughout. I chuckled and reminisced with "The Church Lady" - saw myself in her character now and then.

We all are growing in Him. and we must be patient with ourselves and others, as God's perfect timing prepares the opportunity to help His children grow.
Linda Buskirk04/22/14
I appreciate how this piece asserts truths about today's society, expresses frustration and reflects on Christian commitment in today's world... all revolving around a television character most readers easily recognize. Anytime I see an SNL re-run with the Church Lady, I will no doubt remember your deeper thoughts.

I was a bit confused about who the "you" was in the beginning. I think that's because you used the term "mocking" in the first sentence and later mentioned mocking God. Eventually, I decided the "you" was the reader, or your audience if this is a sermon.

C D Swanson 04/24/14
Congrats! God bless~