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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Elephant in the Room (12/05/13)

TITLE: Who Knows What You Might Sea?
By Noel Mitaxa


Noah and the boys were finding it hard to stay on an even keel, for the trip on the ark was taking much longer than they had anticipated. But they had Noah else to go.

They were safe from the Sirens; those legendary ladies whose seductive singing endangered all sailors when they reached the high C’s; but below deck, it was a real zoo.

Many animals were showing signs of tension and aggression.

A pair of short-fused black and white bears might have caused utter panda-monium; had not their larger white cousins intervened—insisting that they apolar-gise for their behaviour. After all, how much can a polar bear?

Donkey Hotie and Don Coyote both nursed an Impossible Dream. The latter nursed his prairie quest/prayer request with shyness—being more of a coy-ote—but as for the donkey; well hee haw, hee haw, hee hawlways made lots of noise…

The buffaloes’ annoyance was clear. Fancy having to wait two hundred years to celebrate their bison-tenary!

Being only used to short hops, one marsupial had become so disoriented by the long voyage that he developed an identity crisis. He’d been given the sobriquet Kangar-who?

The aardvarks’ aanteating aactivities were very untidy. And since this was before aardvarkuum cleaners had been invented, their mess had to be cleaned up by hand. Which was proving to be very aardvark!

Some of the more placid creatures aboard decided to help Noah and his family by electing a panel to mediate disputes; well aware that some may accuse them of setting up a kangaroo court. The owl was trusted for his wisdom. As king of the beasts, the lion took control—making sure that no-one tigress-ed from the core of each case. With his huge proboscis, the moose could easily sniff out any falsehood, so he proved to be a capable dism-antler of any concocted story; ensuring that no culprit could vam-moose. And as court reporter, the wildebeest kept everyone up with the gnus.

A pretty crime had prompted one Irish traveller to loudly blow his horn at one memorable hearing…

This traveller, Ryan O’Ceros, was quite thick-skinned, but he became very irate when he discovered that a valuable four-pointed tool was missing; for he fancied himself as a handyman. He accused his fellow countryman, Crock O’Dile, of stealing it, a charge which deeply upset the even more thick-skinned Crock. “It wasn’t me!” growled Crock, “You keep your alligations to yourself!”

To everyone’s surprise, the jaguar happily confessed to eating this tool. “Who else would?” he asked. “My badge tells you that I’m a four point two litre Jaguar!”

One afternoon the lion called a recess. “All this stress is giving me a headache. Do you have any pills, so I can start feline like my old self again?” he asked the owl.

“No pills here, Leo,” she replied, as if she couldn’t give a hoot.

“Why not?” grumbled the lion.

“Because the parrots-cetamol!”

One of the panel’s last cases was a ewe-nique example of shear stupidity. The stuttering defendant was ram-bling on and on; trying to pull the wool over the panel’s eyes. The moose confronted him with the glaring contradictions in his story, warning him that everything was being recorded.

“How so?” the defendant countered.

But just then the ark shuddered to a grinding halt, and he stuttered in shock, “I smell A - ra - rat!”

“There’s no rat,” thundered the moose. “We have an elephant in this room; and elephants never forget!” Pulling back on a large curtain, he exposed the massive beast’s two huge tusks. Its wrinkled trunk reached up to pull back a second curtain, before it stepped from its hiding place.

“An elephant!” the defendant gasped sheepishly, staring into the now-empty alcove. “How could they pachyderm in there?”

Author’s note. If you wish to activate your verbal radar to count the puns above, this may be a guide:

10? You need a spell

15? Wordplay will soon become a close and persistent friend

20? You are entering the Groan Zone
25? The Groan Zone will soon be your permanent address.

30+? You’ve groan into a prime punster.

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This article has been read 166 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Danielle King 12/12/13
BRILLIANT!!! A laugh a line and sometimes more. I missed a few, like A-ra-rat until I re-read in order to count up. (Yes, DizziDanni is proud to announce that she has now groan into a prime punster!)I'd forgotten the topic until you brought the elephant out of hide-ing.
OK, I'll stick with the day job! This one is destined for high places and will give a lot of readers a lot of laughs along the way. Superbly crazy!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/12/13
This brought a smile to my face. I think only one punster could make me groan like this but time will tell. I've heard it tell puns can be catchy. You gave me a giggle and I appreciate it immensely.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/12/13
I lost count after 30.i should have asked the sloth to lend a toe. I concur with Dec, I'm not an expert punner and will leaf it to you to tree-t us. I can hear the groans from here. :-)
Linda Goergen12/13/13
You definitely know how to have “pun” with a story!! My favorite was smelling “A - ra - rat!” I didn’t keep track, but I am pretty sure I’ve groan a lot reading this! But it was delightful!
Karlene Jacobsen 12/14/13
I love your play on words here.
lynn gipson 12/14/13
This is indeed a fine work of art! My feeble brain could not keep up but it made me smile from here to there. I don't know how you do it, but this was a joy and a wonder to read.!
Judith Gayle Smith12/14/13
As eye eyeballed this to my hubby, and tried to explain your crazy word play to my sister, aye found myself laughing sew hard - well, at my age it is not wise to laugh sew hard unless a path to the bathroom is clear.

Eye wish I had a teacher like ewe when I was young - Aye would have lived for your wit and wisdom. Ah well, I can do so now, can't eye?
Ruth Ann Moore12/16/13
Wow! You certainly must have had a lot of fun writing this one. I can imagine the laughter. :) I loved the lightheartedness of the piece. A true joy and delight to read.
Sheldon Bass 12/17/13
Excellent. Masterful as always! I love your humor. I recognized a couple very old jokes in there, which become fresh with each new generation. The hee-hawing one is a favorite of mine that I'd nearly forgotten.

Thank you for the lesson! I am constantly learning from writers like you.

Keep sending them in!

Merry Christmas!
Anne Warden 12/17/13
You obviously had great fun writing this. Such panda-monium on the aark!

Keep up the great work, Noel. I hope you receive a high score for your story.
Beth LaBuff 12/18/13
I'm pretty sure I got them all. :) Poor Noah, what he didn't No-ah, didn't hurt him, I guess. I completely enjoyed this "OT story paraphrased by Noel." You make FW a better place to read. :)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/19/13
Congratulations Happy Dance!
Judith Gayle Smith12/19/13
How I love to read your crazy, original and never boring articles! You are a great encourager, and I would let you be my mentor, but, knowing you - you might enjoy being a tor mentor! Congratulations on your well-deserved win!

Love & Hugs in, through and because of Jesus, the Christ,

Judi Hebrews 10:26-31 KJV
Danielle King 12/19/13
And a Happy Dance from me too. Congratulations you nut-case!
Nancy Bucca 12/19/13
Gotta love the puns in this! "Noah else to go... panda-monium... apolar-gise... I like to make puns too, but not everyone appreciates them. You've encouraged me to go for it! Congrats on your EC.
Bea Edwards 01/04/14
Borrowing from your story Noel...
There is Noah else I'd like to be!
Ah you Faith writers never fail to keel me over with your talent.
Mind boggling brilliance everywhere I look.