The Official Writing Challenge
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I think you did a great job on the story. Your characters are believable and the dialogue feels natural. You covered the topic and delivered a beautiful message. I truly enjoyed this.
03/14/13
Fantastic message, and one that many will relate to. This was well done and well told. Thank you.

God bless~
03/16/13
Thanks for presenting a realistic scenario in this story. I understand the pressures of being in charge and how things can get tense with staff. Seeing the change in Rachelle gives hope to everyone that even the worst of us can be transformed when the word gets to the thoughts and intents of our heart.
I enjoyed your story. I loved your MC's name -- Rachelle Tungston. Perfect.

I also appreciated the lesson within your story.

Good job! Keep writing.
03/18/13
Having worked for a Rachelle or two, I was interested in this story from beginning to end. Perhaps this could have been even more powerful had we been with her while she read from James, and felt the conviction along side her. All in all, though, well done.
03/18/13
Very interesting, great to read story. I was hooked from beginning to end, and what a glorious ending! Great JOb!

P.s. I have worked for a Rachel or two myself, wish they had found what Rachel did.
03/18/13
Very relatable. I have known a few people in church or work with this razor tongue syndrome. Interesting take on the topic from beginning to end.
03/18/13
I like the lesson that you wove into this story. I've known a few Razor tongues myself, and I could relate with the office staff. You did well with this. I wonder if it would increase the impact of the story if you had a single point of view character that told the story. I do like the confusion that the change in Rachelle's behavior brought about.
The irony of this wonderfully told story is that the people talking about Rachel's razor-sharp-tongue were just as guilty as she with their gossip. I started to cry when she got back from her trip and it was evident that she had undergone a change. Those inner-heart changes are the best ones of all. It is too bad that so many people in life are quick to assume the worst.The Bible says that love thinks the best of someone and your special story remind me of that as well. Thanks so much for writing and sharing this little gem on the tongue.
03/19/13
Excellent job of staying on topic. A editor suggested to me that when I start an article with dialogue, "The reader is momentarily disoriented, not knowing who is speaking, or to whom."

Consider using more creative imagery to avoid common cliches. (tight ship, pin drop,etc.)

You've done a good job of showing how a "two-edged sword" can tame a sharp tongue.:-)
03/19/13
This was a great use of the topic. You accurately described a believable scenario. The only exception might be the use of the word "conviction" by someone who seems to be a new believer. It's certainly possible, and could depend on who led her to be reading those words in James. Perhaps that's for another chapter!
03/20/13
I especially enjoyed this story as I am reading and meditating on the Epistle of James this week. Today I read chapter 3 about the tongue! I have also been praying that God will cleanse my heart, mind, and tongue of impurity, dishonesty, or any kind of evil. With your descriptive words you painted an excellent "before" and "after" portrait of your MC! I was blessed by the positive ending! Good job! :)
You took me back to the workplace and the office politics. It reminded me of one gal I worked with who had a reputation for being distant, cold and angry. She was my Supervisor and I came to know and love her. I found that she was very reserved because she had a colosomy bag, was terribly uncomfortable and had lost her husband to cancer not long ago. One day she asked me if I had any idea why people shied away from her. I looked at her forbidding face, framed by sever black surrounds - prayed for the right words, and then suggested that the heavy black frames had to go. The following week she came in wearing the softest blue frames - and yes, the reaction was most favorable! She looked totally approachable, and the reaction garnered put smiles on her face, making her even more welcoming. I do miss her . . .
Oops! Colostomy bag. I ran on so long I forgot why I commented - what you have written is so frequently the case, the gossip, the tongue-wagging and the sharp tongue. I too love this area in James. Thank you for such a real and dynamic take on this subject.