The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/31/13
This was a wonderful entry and it read like a chapter in a book. I loved it. Nicely done. God bless~
A fitting title, increasing tension, and a satisfying ending. Nicely done.
02/02/13
Wonderful story I would love to read more about. The 23rd Psalm is one that comforts me often.

Thanks for sharing and very well done.
02/02/13
Oh wow. This is great. I love that it is based on a true story. Nice job.
Poignant and totally engrossing - the reader is in complete empathy with the story. The 23rd Psalms is a favorite of mine, too. Wondeful job.
Your story drew me in. Truly a heartfelt message. Good job.
02/03/13
Wonderful character profiles and interaction. Very absorbing story.
02/04/13
What a sad and sobering story! The young girl's tension and fear came through very clearly, and I'm so glad for the positive ending! When we "hide God's Word in our hearts," He can then bring it to our minds when we need the comfort or the instruction. Good job! :)
I was fascinated with this story from beginning to end and found myself wanting to read more; how the MC's application of Psalm 23 continued into her marriage etc... There is intellectual repetition and spiritual repetition and your piece so poignantly talks about both with the repetition of certain creeds and prayers (though those can be meaningful) and how she eventually allowed the Lord to sow His word into His heart. Like it talks about it Colossians 3:2 when it says we are to set are mind on heavenly things and not earthly things. The beginning of the story reminded me of a collection of stories from 1924 called "Tucked in Tales" that my mother used to read to me because one of the stories was about the MC visiting the "Town of upside Down." Another things that really resonated with me in this piece was Carl's dad pacing back and forth on that bank wanting to dive in after his son pleading with God to let his son survive. I did the same thing with my father when I was 18 under very different circumstances yet with the same hollow result. I truly hope that you save a place for these wonderful characters and plot line for a continuation story one day. Tucking God's word in our heart's will always bring us peace as you so clearly show.
Oh wow! What a brilliant piece of writing. I found myself chuckling in the beginning and then suddenly the story took an abrupt turn and I felt like a cold bucket of water washed over me. I think that made the sad part even more powerful.Your story mirrors real life--we are talking and laughing and in a heartbeat our world can be turned upside down, but--and this is the biggest but of all--Jesus provides a soft spot for us to land, then he picks us up, brushes off the dirt, plants a kiss on our forehead and puts us back on the bike of life with his hand forever hovering near the seat, ready to stabilize us.

Congratulations for placing 12 in level four and 13 overall!