The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/02/12
This left me with too many unanswered questions. Because of the limited word count, maybe opening this with the third paragraph (eliminating the first two) and then explaining why the MC was always alone (homeless? orphaned? or ?) and then I wondered how did she escape from Moe and how many years had passed before she returned here. I'm one for details, so this left me wanting. However, this definitely has the potential to be an intriguing story--just needs a bit more depth.
Well written. I agree there is a lot more that could be written here.
This is a great story idea. I loved that you used the park setting for her kidnapping. Parks are seen as an idyllic place for children--a place of safety. I wish you had drawn it out more, perhaps told more what life was like with Moe or what happens after she goes to the police or even how long she has been gone. Your descriptions were great and I thought the take on the topic was original and fresh.