The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/13/12
Wow! This story gave me chills at the end! Wonderful, different and entertaining read.

Thanks. God bless~
09/16/12
Oh wow! What a set-up for a full novel!
This was a fascinating read. I really liked the conflict and think you did a great job of building it.

Just a couple bits of red ink. I really thought the MC was a female at first and it threw me off. Maybe if you had clarified it sooner. The other is really tiny but the word nauseous is defined as When something causes nausea, that thing is said to be NAUSEOUS.
BUT When one feels like vomiting, one feels NAUSEATED. I know that because I'm so good at describing puke:) I do believe some dictionaries say that it is okay to use it as nauseated but technically it should be nauseated. Because it's in dialog that alone makes it acceptable since people misuse words all the time, but I couldn't resist teasing you about it just a tiny bit. :) (((HUGS)))

The ending was grand and had me chuckling while at the same time feeling slightly sad, not only for Laura's memory loss but for the lost years between father and son. You managed to cover the topic in a fun and different way. Congratulations for ranking 20 overall!