Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Potluck (Meal or Gathering) Deadline 7-26-12 @ 10 AM NY Time (07/19/12)
TITLE: Dear Miz Abernathy
By Laury Hubrich
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I love your new advice column. How 'clever' of you to add one while we have no pastor. Anyway... it takes a woman with thick skin to undergo a task so great. Since this is a small Southern Baptist church and we all know each other like we know the backs of each other’s recliner heads at Sunday evening service, I’d like to know how you will keep these anonymous.
I’ll let that be your worry. I do have a question though. We have a potluck coming up. Or, as we church people call it, ‘pot blessing.’ I think potluck is a much better word to describe our gatherings. We tend to get a hodge-podge of foods that aren’t fit to feed our dogs, let alone the ones we love. I don’t know how that happens, we being a church and all. Even I lay my best out at each event and can barely stomach it.
It isn’t the food that turns my stomach, my dear Miz Abernathy, it’s the company. What with the gossip and snide comments, I, for one, do not want to be a party to this anymore. The next pot blessing is to introduce a potential pastor. Not only will we be voting on him, but he will be checking us out. Can we please have the cherry pie be sweet and the mashed potatoes be lump-free?
I guess, what I’m asking of you, Miz Abernathy, what CAN we do to make this a great pot blessing and not a free-for-all, where even Jesus doesn’t want to come?
Pot Blessing Hater
My Dearest Pot Blessing Hater,
After much reflection, or as we church people call it, prayer, I have come to see what you mean about our pot blessings. I too have wondered what was wrong with the food. It looks delectable and smells divine. Many of us use our mother’s and grandmothers’ recipes that have been handed down to us through the ages. They are tested – tried and true.
I believe you’re right in your observation about the gossip and the snide comments. As to how to get that to stop, I don’t know. I’m trying this advice column but I see written words can be just as nasty as when spoken. You accuse me of starting this while we have no pastor. It’s been a year. It’s not like I started it up as soon as Pastor ran off with our custodian.
It would truly help if staff would set a good example. Let me illustrate my point: potential pastors come with a list of worship songs they want played. The pianist rolls her eyes and clicks her heels and then proceeds to pound out the same old hymns she plays every Sunday. Hopeful members go back to their sleepy state.
Oh, I believe Pot Blessing Hater and pianist are one and the same, if I’m not mistaken. You are right; I do recognize the back of people’s recliner heads. I don’t want to be snide nor do I want to be rude, but I want to be honest.
Dear Miz Abernathy,
I don’t know if honesty is what we need right now. We need a coalition of forces. With your wit and my powers of observation, we can make this next pot blessing a true success. Do you have any ideas?
Pot Blessing Hater
Dear Pot Blessing Hater,
Oh, Mildred, can’t we give up this charade?
In order, not just for the pot blessing, but the health and success of our church, I suggest we have a real prayer meeting. Get to the heart of the matter. It’s been a hard road to travel, not having a pastor. We are sheep. Our pastor fell big-time and we tumbled after him, unfortunately. We must get over that bitterness. My dear friend, it’s time we spice up our taste buds.
Let’s shake up this little congregation. Are you with me? Chachacha!
Miz Abernathy (Oh fiddlesticks, it’s me, Tessie)
I knew it was you all along. What do you have in mind?
Let’s make the pot blessing a Mexican one. No more oldies recipes. What’s that Bible verse? 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” By golly, let’s make that our theme!
P.S. Just call me, will you?
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