Is he still droning on about this stupid thing?
“…and also, Mr. Knottnoh, you’ll need to follow this diet all printed out nicely for you. Please stop eating chocolate and salt and all that fatty food; and increase those leafy green vegetables.”
He’s as goofy as he looks. No chocolate? Not possible. Spinach? Double Ick and NEVER!
“Uh huh. I see. That’s a good idea. I guess a person can do anything he puts his mind to. You’re right. If I lose at least 100 pounds I can probably breathe better, but you know, with my job and all, I depend on fast food. You might even say it’s addictive.”
Notice, Doc isn’t smiling. He just doesn’t understand you have more important things to think about.
“You do understand what I’m saying don’t you, Sir? This absolutely is a matter of life or death. There is no choice. Serious changes are a must.”
Smile. You’re almost out. Stand up. Shake hands. Act interested and compliant. You’re almost free. Oh, no. He’s following right behind with more nagging.
“Oh, and one more thing, Mr. Knottnoh. Here’s a prescription for those patches to help you stop smoking. That’s of major importance as well.”
Okay, wave and grin once more. The door is within your grasp. Hurry. Get in the car before he calls the food and tobacco police. He might even lecture about that seatbelt thing. Wonder if he has a priest or pastor on call to bug you too?
“Hello, Honey. I’m on my cell phone. Yeah, I just got out. No, he didn’t say too much. Get ready. I’ll be by to pick you up in about 15 minutes. We’re going to Ribs-O-Rama for their all-you-can-gobble night. Yeah, yeah. I’ll be careful, Darla. You know me.”
Forget the belt, it’s too tight. See if you can light a cigarette and unwrap one of those expensive to-die-for chocolate drops. Better step on it. Your sweetie doesn’t like to be late. She just can’t seem to understand how much you’ve got on your mind.
SCREECH! CRASH! CRUMPLE! SCREAM!
“How we gonna pick him up, Harv... just the two of us?”
“Fire truck will be here in a second. They’ll use that forklift thing they carry for these tough calls. I can reach through the broken glass and feel his pulse from here. He’s still alive…barely.”
Sounds like Darla and the doctor. You know how bored you get with chit-chat. Better try to listen this time, although you do have all those other things to think about.
“Mrs. Knottnoh, it’s been ten months. We’re un-wiring his jaw today. He’s been off the oxygen for a few weeks and his color is good. As of this morning, he’s lost 101 pounds. He’s almost ready to get back to living.”
“Oh, Doctor. He looks so handsome…just like the day we married. I brought him some nice new clothes and threw away all the others. May I stay while you cut the wires?”
“Why, of course. Hold his hand. I’m sure after all this time he’ll have something important saved up to say to you.”
Here goes. In a few minutes you’ll be free to do exactly what you want to again. What’ll it be? A smoke? Candy? Doughnuts? Fat-fried lard? You’re a man. You can do exactly what you want. You can even tell that pesky Chaplain he doesn’t have to come to see you every day and read that silly book any more.
“Okay, one more snip and it’s over. I’ll take all this mess with me. I’m sure your beautiful wife can’t wait to hear you speak.”
Let her have it, George Knottnoh. Tell her to get over to Hogs-R-Us as quick as she can. They have the biggest onion rings and pork-in-a-bucket in town. Tell her…after she finishes that absurd cryin’ and huggin’ stuff.
“George, honey, I’ve missed hearing the sound of your precious voice. I’m so glad they put you back together and you’ve healed so well. The doctor says your throat may hurt for a few hours, but darling, you seem so anxious to say something.”
“I love you too.”
“I can imagine, dear. You’ve had plenty of time to think of something wonderful. Just tell me and I’ll go get it this very minute.
Woo Hoo. You’re on George. Go for it!
“It’s strange, but there’s only one thing I’ve thought about for months.”
“Yes, sweetheart? Just name it.”
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