Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Huh? (01/21/10)

TITLE: You Can't Get There From Here
By Patricia Herchenroether
01/27/10


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Lost. Hopelessly lost. I should have bought that g.p.s. system when it was on sale. Here I am, a zillion miles from… anywhere. All I saw were rolling, green meadows backed by dark forests rising to the sky. Not even cows grazed on the slopes. Should I keep going or turn around? Didn’t I see a paved road about ten miles back?

I turned the car around on the narrow dirt road. Back at the intersection, I drove onto the tar-and-chip road by a weathered, broken sign proclaiming “Rusty Falls-19 Miles.” I approached the town with a sigh of relief, certain that someone there could help me. It’s strange. There aren’t any people or vehicles in sight. I pulled up in front of an old-fashioned country store and went inside.

The place was something out of the last century; barrels of goods girded the wooden floor and shelves of various items were stacked to the ceiling. Three pairs of eyes glared at me from leathery wrinkled faces by the pot-belly stove. Good heavens, I’ve entered the Twilight Zone. Behind the counter stood an apron-clad man who looked as old as the store, one cheek bulging from the chewing tobacco in his mouth.

“What’s your business here, Missy? We don’t get many strangers in town.” His icy look told me they didn’t like strangers showing up in this town.

I swallowed my fear and mumbled, “I-I’m lost. Could you tell me how to get to Clearwater Church Camp? There’s a retreat there I’m s-supposed to attend.”

“Never heerd of it-any of you boys know whar it is?” He directed his question to the three men, who had left the stove area and were slowly creeping toward me.

“Naw, there ain’t setch a place ‘round these parts,” said one of the men and the other two nodded in agreement. “Are you drivin’ all by your lonesome?”

Ignoring his question, I asked the clerk, “Well, could you just direct me back to Eastham?” I named the biggest city I could remember. By now, the three watchers had surrounded me and were so close I could smell their rancid breaths. One was idly feeling the fabric of my silk blouse, setting my nerves tight as piano wires.

The clerk picked up a can and spit his tobacco wad into it, part of it landing on the filthy counter. He started grinning at me from a nearly toothless mouth. “Thars a real problem, Missy, ‘cause you cain’t get thar from here.”

“Huh?” I’ve got to get out of here. Now. Too late, my fight or flight instinct kicked in. Rough hands bit into my shoulders and starting shaking me. I screamed and tried to twist away-

“Debbie! Wake up; you’re having a nightmare. Wake up!”

“Huh?” I opened my eyes to Catherine’s lovely face. Realizing I was in the bunkhouse of the church camp, I nearly cried in my relief. “Oh, thank the Lord. Cathy, don’t ever let me eat so many s’mores before bedtime!”

“Huh?”

“Never mind; let’s go to breakfast. I can’t wait to say the blessing.”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 408 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laury Hubrich 01/29/10
Okay, you got me:) Didn't expect that ending. lol
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/01/10
It was a cute story. I was on the edge of my chair. I didn't expect that ending at all.
Celeste Ammirata02/01/10
Glad it was just a nightmare. My heart started racing as the guys drew closer to her. I wonder if she'll go out and buy that GPS. Well written, with great flow.
Beth LaBuff 02/01/10
LOL... love the "rescue" ending. :) I was worried the storekeeper was going to spit tobacco on the floor. :) You have some great descriptions in this, especially the inside of the "general store."
Sharlyn Guthrie02/02/10
Your descriptions and characterizations are great. I'm glad for the unexpected twist at the end.
Jackie Wilson02/03/10
The scenes inside the store were riveting. And you took it to the edge, where she was awakened, masterfully! I had to read the first two paragraphs slowly to get a clear picture of what was happening, so they weren't as satisfying to me as the rest of the piece. Intriguing story!
Joy Faire Stewart02/03/10
Oh, chilling! The descriptions had me on the edge of my chair...pleased it ended well.