The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/21/10
I really liked the beginning of your entry. It was light-hearted and fun. Maybe just being operated on twice I didn't think oops is a very good word in the OR, tho. It's just my opinion, but I would have loved to hear more about your husband's silly ways. Good writing either way.
What a nightmare to happen. Interesting story.

I'm wondering if the medical description was too technical for non-medical persons.

The story kept my attention throughout.
01/22/10
I liked the tone of the piece, and even though I get grossed-out by medical procedures, I was fascinated reading your descriptions.

I didn't find it hard to believe that a surgeon would say "oops." I didn't hear it as a light-hearted oops at all, but rather a devastated oops.
01/22/10
Since I am fascinated with medical stuff, I found this to be an intriguing article. Something you never want to hear your surgeon say. Very well written.
01/23/10
I thought it would be about the MC's husband? I couldn't tell by the end. And the patient died??? Yikes. Being a nurse, I get most of it....but yeah, maybe a more lighthearted piece would be better!
01/24/10
A very well-written piece, but I kept waiting for her husband to pop back up in the story. Maybe a little more effort tying the ending into the beginning? The connection is there, but it's fragile. I was intrigued by the medical info, but when you got to the details of the surgery in question, my eyes started crossing and I read "blah blah blah. :) And my husband does that too (except he says a stronger word than oops). Drives me crazy and I didn't even have the experience of this woman.
01/24/10
I was waiting for a tie-in into the beginning as well. I loved both halves of this entry, just felt like two separate stories.
01/26/10
Very descriptive, after a warm intro.
As you describe being able to relax among the organs arrayed before you, the line "did not phase me" should read "did not faze me." Since phase relates to length of time - or maybe of tenure - this may be an unintended pun; while faze connects with the calmness that surgeons require. Like other reviewers, I feel the desired link is more implied than stated; but overall this is an enjoyable (though fairly visceral) read.