The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/22/09
The words that popped into my head at the conclusion of your piece were: Be prepared. Be watchful. Repent.
You took your reader on a harrowing ride with this poem - it felt real - as if the author had been down this road before and was sharing a grateful lesson.
10/25/09
Very effective use of present tense. Gripping. Telling a story to impact the living. Good job on this.
Mona
10/28/09
Excellent pacing in this heart-thumping poem! Very well done.

I caught a few misspellings: cactus' shouldn't have an apostrophe (probably should be cacti), and "prickly"--not sure about the capitalization of Saguaro, either.

Sorry to nitpick...the poem is excellent, and some day I hope to learn to write free verse with such craftsmanship.