Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Adolescence/Teen Years (07/16/09)

TITLE: Bus Stop
By
07/22/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

When I turned seventeen, Uncle Albert offered to teach me the industrial upholstery trade. What kid grows up wanting to recover seats and headliners in cars, boats, and planes?

But it meant getting out of school two hours early.

That’s how I met Fumiko. Standing on East 14th Street, waiting for bus #82. I saw her cello case before I saw her. Curiosity made me walk around the instrument to prove to myself it wasn’t standing on its own. She was sitting on the bench, head rested on the leather-like grain, hair hanging forward. The strands blacker than the oil my dad used to change and grumble about when my mother had driven way too many miles without a check.

I imagined skimming my fingers through it.

For weeks I sat directly behind her so I could watch her hair swing like a silk curtain to the lateral movement of the bus. Sometimes it spoke: you are sleepy—oh, so sleepy.

Fumiko hardly smiled in those days. She also wore a lot of navy blue and white for someone who wasn't wearing a uniform. The patch on her canvas messenger bag told me she attended the Governor’s school. I could’ve gone there if I'd applied myself. That’s what the guidance counselor had said.

One afternoon I got bold and applied myself to Fumiko. She boarded the bus ahead of me and sat three rows back. I stopped directly in front of her. “Is that seat taken?” I asked, pointing to the window seat where her cello stood.

Any other girl would've made some smart remark about my blindness or stupidity, but Fumiko seemed to give it real thought as she looked around the half-empty bus. Finally she pointed to the aisle seat across from her. “You could sit there,” she said. And so I did—that day and every day.

It took coaxing to get her to talk about herself. Her name meant gifted, but when she insisted she wasn’t talented, vehemence took hold of every feature of her delicate face. Her parents, though, pushed and pushed and pushed. They wanted her to make it into the San Francisco Conservatory.

I have to say, part of me was envious. My parents operated on the other end of the ambition spectrum.

Towards the end of the school year, Fumiko's father arranged for a private audition with a member of the conservatory’s governing board. She became a wreck. Her chinos got baggy. The purple under her eyes deepened. My jokes went unrewarded. Finally I told her, “Meet me at the bus stop Friday morning at eight.”

“I can’t,” she said. “The audition’s that afternoon.”

“I’ll get you back.”



My cousin was supposed to “borrow” a cool classic car from his dad’s shop for me to use. Instead he showed up at the school parking lot with a tank—a 1963 Chevy Corvair Greenbriar van, complete with a red racing stripe. Great.

I hoisted myself up into the driver’s seat and taped a poster board to the passenger side of the windshield. I had magic-marked #82 on it.



When Fumiko looked up from the bench, she cupped her hands over her mouth, eyes as round as they could possibly get. I felt like a knight. I braked at the bus stop, leaned waaaay over, pulled the door handle, pushed hard. “Need a lift?” I asked. In came the cello, commuters behind us laying on their horns. She jumped up into the elevated seat, laughing, smiling.

We spent the day in a hidden cove near Carmel. We ate bologna and cheese sandwiches cross-legged on my opened, plaid sleeping bag. I kissed her hair, sifting it between my fingers. She said, “Let’s stay here forever.”

It was so tempting. “I have to take you back,” I sighed. “But what you do when you get there is up to you.”

I dropped her off a block from her house, barely on time.



The following Monday, she waited for me at our usual spot—cello in hand. That killed me. I was hoping she would tell all of them to go take a hike. I had planned on telling her how she’d changed me by giving me something to care about when I hadn’t wanted to care about anything. How I’d decided—while on our beach—to heck with re-upholstery, I was going to design the cars, boats, and planes.

But when I saw her with that cello, I knew it had been a Don Quixote kind-of-day.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 734 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Loren T. Lowery07/23/09
Oh, the audacity of youth, that they whole-heartedly believe that they are of one mind with their peers. Yet even a van, complete with red racing stripe, is unable to pull Fumiko’s reality into the MC’s Don Quixote day. A tender but viable lesson we all must learn someday – we are different for different reasons as evidenced by this one line “…parents operated on the other end of the ambition spectrum.”
Laury Hubrich 07/24/09
All is not lost in this story - I think the two can still get together, right? lol. This captured and held my attention. Nice job:)
Verna Cole Mitchell 07/26/09
Such fun-- all the way through. I love the creativity here.
Bryan Ridenour07/27/09
So very creative and superb storytelling. Well done!
william price07/27/09
Very kool. WOuld like to learn more. Great character. I love the cello. Thanks for the read. God bless.
Betty Castleberry07/27/09
This is so typically Lisa. Masterfully executed, and so much said in so few words. It reminded a bit of the Hollies song, "Bus Stop." If you're too young to remember that, grab the video somewhere on the net and listen. Thanks for the enjoyable read.
Steve Fitschen 07/27/09
Great character-driven piece. Not the trite ending that would have been so easy.
Verna Cole Mitchell 07/27/09
I really do feel stupid here! Obviously my earlier comment was intended for the entry before yours. I wouldn't declare this "fun"! It is, however, extremely well written. I was so angry at the parents and the brother, and my heart was broken for the mc.
Verna Cole Mitchell 07/27/09
I hope my insanity is temporary, and that very short-lived. I wish I could erase the wrong comments! The other comment was for Jan's story.
I'd read this one several times and planned to come back to it.You have so much going on between the lines, it's a piece to really think about. The characters were so real, and I was so hoping the girl would make the right choice, but, as you showed--she just wasn't strong enough.
Amy Michelle Wiley 07/27/09
I have to admit, I haven't read Don Quixote, so I don't really get the ending. Facinating story, though, and very realistic.
Carol Slider 07/27/09
I'm always amazed by your stories and your characters--so rich, so detailed, so absolutely human! Loved how you tied it together with that wonderful, bittersweet last line. (I'm glad you like Richard Strauss, too!:)
Connie Dixon07/27/09
Another masterpiece from Lisa's personal masterpiece theater. This actually could be made into a movie! Great job, loved this.
Diana Dart 07/29/09
Umm, I didn't get the ending either, but I totally got that I was supposed to get it. Does that even make sense? I genuinely liked this MC - slow paced, but itching for something more. Smart, but not too clever. A dreamer, but a doer as well. And I love how you say SOOOOO much without hardly saying anything at all. An absolute art.
Mona Purvis07/29/09
A piece that appears to be written so effortlessly...and yet we know the talent it takes to accomplish.
Just splendid!
Mona
Sara Harricharan 07/29/09
Oh, I LOVED this. It was wonderful!! Fumiko was an excellent, memorable character. I loved this entire read, and the last line is soooo bittersweet. What a read!
Chely Roach07/29/09
Ahh, chasing windmills. This was very powerful...their lack of control over their own future was palatable. Loved it.
Leah Nichols 07/30/09
This one struck me more than the others, I think because as a musician I didn't feel very in control of my future. I did stand up for my desires though, and my mom let me go into nursing. A very poignant piece.
Beth LaBuff 07/30/09
I love how you weave stories together! ... I wanted to know more! :)
Gregory Kane07/30/09
This was really good and I'm glad I came back for another look. The contrast between the families and the vulnerability of youth was excellent. To be honest, I have struggled a little to understand some of your more recent writings, but this one hit home. Cheers.