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Questions a Teenager Never Wants to See on a Test (With Given Answers)
English:
Please give a brief summary of the collective works of William Shakespeare.
To be brief, or not to be brief? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to falsely expound on something I don't know, or readily admit it. I'll go with the second.
Health:
What are the symptoms of mononucleosis?
If I knew that, I might be slightly more concerned about this "cold" I have right now.
Math:
Factor 375493275438.
1, 2, skip a few, 99, 100!
P.E.
Boys: What is the largest number of people recommended for a human pyramid?
2, 4, 6, 8 Please still let me graduate!
Girls: Please describe three legal wrestling holds.
Foot hold, hand hold, and hold your tongue.
Biology:
Describe the evolutionary process, with reference to so-called transitional forms.
I believe the correct term is "missing links." And they are still missing.
Music:
Please modulate "The Hallelujah Chorus" to the key of B-flat minor.
Minor, huh? 'Woe is me, Woe is me, Woe-is-me, Woe-is-me, Woooooooeeeeeeeee iiiiiisssss meeeeeeeeee!'. Can't I just decompose it instead?
Spanish:
Pick up an English dictionary. Turn to page 345. Translate.
No hablo Espaņol.*
History:
Describe the impact of 9/11 on world economics.
We will never be able to tell the full impact, and, in fact, we most likely have not yet felt the full impact. Therefore, I cannot answer this question.
Art:
Explain why Michelangelo is considered to be one of the most influential artists of all time.
Because his stuff sold for lots of money. And though he never lived to see the event, that one statue's arm fell off, crushing many other contenders for the title, who just happened to be standing under it.
Physics:
The A-Team is shooting grenades at you from a cliff. As you are standing on the opposite side, you happen to notice that the grenade reaches its top height exactly half way between the two cliffs....
First of all, if the A-Team were shooting grenades at me, I certainly would not stick around long enough to answer this question. Second... Actually, no. I don't have a second point. But perhaps you'll give me one for creativity?
Drama:
Describe a meaningful event in your life in the form of a monologue. The speaker must be someone besides you.
Event: The birth of my younger sister. Speaker: My younger sister
WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
The end.
Bonus:
Fill in the blank: Mrs. Wilson is ___________.
the most amazing teacher ever, who will be full of mercy and compassion, and be compelled to give me an 'A' in this class, even though the other answers on this test would show that the grade I actually deserve is not so close to the beginning of the alphabet.
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*No hablo Espaņol = I don't speak Spanish
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