The Official Writing Challenge
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Samuel, Philemon, Zina, Grammy, names that along with the dialect and colloquialisms help give authenticity to this story. Grammy was never out of character with her observations and wisdom in rearing those put in her charge, even to the warm, smooth rosewood of her casket. I liked the way Zina stayed back as an observer, watching, but not really ever able to catch on or understand what her brothers were being taught. And, as sad as it might seem, I think the note left by Grammy (regardless of how well intended) still left Zina in the outside world looking in and wondering.
Your character development here is outstanding--showing more than telling. The message of what goes between reveals perfectly the godly wisdom of the grandmother. I couldn't help but hope the note of forgiveness would effect a turning point in the mc's life. This kind of story stays in the mind long after the reading.
I love this but felt it got bogged down in the dialogue which I felt was overdone.
Great but sad ending.
06/14/09
A very good read. Thank you!
Marvelous voice. I loved the authenticity of this. Loved the twist at the end. I just loved it all!
06/15/09
The dialog and the dialect were right on and real humanity was experienced throughout. Exceptional work and a most meaningful read.
06/15/09
Crying as I write this...so moved by this wonderful piece. I wouldn't change a word. Just the most moving story I've read in a long time. I didn't see the end coming, but it's perfect. Granny's wisdom speaking long after she's gone.
Mona
06/15/09
I don't often use the word "precious" but this is a precious piece! The ending was so right, so good that I could have read just that one paragraph and felt blessed. Big time kudos!
06/15/09
I want more--and that's a true sign of great writing. I loved granny and have her pictured clearly in my mind because of your creative writing. Didn't see the end coming, but felt sorry for Zina to have lived with her guilt for so long.
Perfect title for this wonderfully moving entry.
06/15/09
Oh man...awesome, awesome, awesome. For some reason the ending made me think of the song by a group called 'Hopes Call' titled "You Are Loved." (on You Tube)

Wow...
06/15/09
Great characters and a punchy ending.
06/15/09
This is surely a winner...simply amazing writing with a perfect ending. Superb.
Wonderful writing and a great ending, I didn't expect. Super entry!
06/15/09
This is brilliant, Lisa. Made me cry. I could definitely see this being made into a longer story, even a movie. (Hallmark, of course.) Fabulous!
06/15/09
I like this, especially the ending. I didn't expect that! It took me a while to get into it...I didn't quite "get it" in the beginning, but I do think the dialgoue was the best part. The way Grammy showed her wisdom...wisdom that stuck with her "youngins." Well done!
06/15/09
This is just wonderful, from the authentic accent to the poignant lesson to precious relationships to treasure forever. Fantastic, heartfelt piece.
06/15/09
Incredible story line with a great twist at the end. I'm sure you had as much fun writing this as we did reading it. Your "showing" was right on.
You got me-I didn't see the end coming and it was absolutely perfect! Poor girl carrying all that guilt-I wish I could see her face when she read the note. Great dialogue-very real. I would love to meet Granny and learn some of her wisdom. Terrrrrific!
06/17/09
What an amazing story--so real, so original. There are so many layers of meaning, so much to ponder... but I do hope that finding Grammy's note will begin to effect a transformation in Zina's life. Exceptionally well done!
Excellent is such a trite word these days for me. But I haven't a better word spilling out. I love the message here. It speaks so much of sowing and reaping, guilt and forgiveness.
06/17/09
I figured it was something to do with Zina, lol. This was good. Nice suspense and such, I was wondering what made her tick and why, you did good with the trick ending. Nice touch!
06/17/09
ah.. love the "down-home" feel to this... my heart has been properly warmed.. LOVE IT!!
06/18/09
Loved the characters you crafted, especially grandmother - tough, genuine, completely lovable. I was waiting for Zina's story to shine through, but was still shocked at the end - nice job! The paper taped to the can was perfect.