The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/13/09
Oh boy - was NOT expecting that twist! Super descriptions and sense of place. This is incredibly powerful.
You perfected "atmosphere" in your story. I felt the desperation and the hope as well. I loved your surprise ending.
06/15/09
Wow, I felt every line of this. Wonderfully done...
Great writing. You made me feel the hopelessness and then the spark of hope. Super, unexpected ending!
06/15/09
How much sadder to now imagine the son's despair deeper than his father's. For it is, with children. Great atmosphere all the way through and good choices of words...not too prosey...just right.
Wow. This brought tears to my eyes-The title is perfect, and the ending stunning. The child wraps up the whole package.
06/16/09
Sad movies and stories rarely cause me to cry, but I have to admit about half way through there was a lump in my throat. You captured the emotional plight of your mc by SHOWING us how deep his depression was. Beautiful ending.
06/17/09
Haunting. Believable. Deep. I enjoyed reading this piece. Makes one think.
Mona
This was so well done in every way. I believe you'll place high with this one.
06/17/09
The ending surprised me, but it worked so well: like father, like son. Great "moment of truth" story. Well done!
06/17/09
Was wondering where you were going with this one. I loved the surprise twist ending. I was wondering what it was about that little boy that bugged him when Travis seemed to have so much of that tough guy exterior. Really great characters! Loved it.
06/24/09
The desperate mood of this story spoke for the MC and the child. Like the others, I wasn't expecting the child to end up being the mc's son. Glad this ended on a hopeful note. You did a great job with depicting your characters and allowing your reader to truly feel the range of emotions in this piece.
This story truly touched my heart. Excellent work.
I guessed that the boy might be his son, and was pleased to see I was right. Good job at showing the progression of his thoughts.