The Official Writing Challenge
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I have often read that to change our perspective on the matters of life, all we need is a paradigm shift. After reading this, I know there is one other necessary element, a tender(albeit reluctant in this case)heart. The inner dialogue of "Hanet" is revealing to the point of being coquettish in a beguiling way. Your use of dialect was without offense. My favorite line - "that people are being served, really served" The story is also nicely served up, indeed!
06/06/09
LOVE the details in this story. God is in those details. This is masterfully written, really--I could hear the mc talking, thinking, being aggravated. Just juan-derful!
06/06/09
Great job of interior monologue especially. Super exhibiting of the personality shift. Masterful.
06/08/09
Your MC/s voice is perfect. (I'm afraid to admit I may have had that voice in my younger days.) Excellent inner dialogue. Your writing really put me in her head.
06/08/09
LOVE this! I absolutely love it. Because it is real and authentic and I can relate to it more than you'd think. I like how you had touches of character to Janet with things like Joo-an. This was just great this way and I liked the thought of people being really served under those "golden arches" Great stuff!
06/08/09
This story stimulates my thinking about judging some people and misunderstanding most. Really great job on your dialogue. The only offense should go to those of us who can't see all people through God's eyes the way Joo-an does. Loved this.
Just love this one! The MC's inner monologue fairly dances with the sparkling dialogues, descriptive action, and expert use of understatement.
And all in 1st-person present tense, no less. Delicious writing!
06/08/09
This would have also worked in "Light and Dark", I think. I love it when the light starts coming on in the heart and mind of a basically great young person! In this case it also softened a bitter young heart, and I loved it.
Once again, your writing amazes me. I enjoy when my irritating qualities are pointed out, and I'm laughing while it's done. Like someone once said of a well-known speaker, "you can kill me, and make me laugh while you're doing it." (I mean this as a compliment.) A teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down...right? :)
06/09/09
Beautifully and realistically written. This teen hides her heart like so many others in the world now, but inside, she's just like everyone else: needing a touch of humanity to show she can care. I don't think the voice is too bitter--most of us think like this at least ONCE during our work week. (:
Great writing as usual...Well done.
06/09/09
Captivating and current. I just had this conversation with my 14yr old grandson at a local Mexican Rest. You put it out there for us to deal with. Haunting.
Mona
06/10/09
All the ingredients: interesting - descriptive - brilliant dialogue - definitely not a fast food snack!

Thanks, Colin.
06/10/09
This is so incredibly, amazingly REAL! It's hard to believe it's only 750 words, because there's so much here: so much detail, so much warmth and reality and truth, as this young girl begins to glimpse how people form connections... even in a fast-food restaurant. Splendid writing--very, very well done.
06/10/09
Simply remarkable writing that just jumps off the page.

My, you're talented.
06/10/09
Love the names and the ethnic pronunciations (as well as everything about this)! After reading this, I have high hopes for Hanet!
Amazing character development in such a short piece. They are so real. Reading was like watching from the order line.
06/11/09
Congratulations, Lisa! I LOVE this story!
06/11/09
Lisa, super congrats on your level placing and Editor's Choice! YOU ARE AMAZING! Hanet endeared herself to others besides me! :)
06/11/09
Congrats on a piece that endears the reader to the characters in a very real slice of life moment. Well done Amiga!
06/11/09
Here I sit amazed again - at your dear Lisa! The characters you create are lovable in their own way and oh, so real. The voice here is bang on and her observations of others just paints the picture. Love it totally (and incidentally it made me want a milkshake!)
06/11/09
You rock, Lisa girl! This was hilarious, but also thought provoking. I ditto all the intelligent things that Loren said, lol. Congrats!
06/12/09
Oh, Lisa, this is REALLY good!! :) You have the 19 year-old "burger flipper" personality down perfectly!! I love the "golden moment under the golden arches"! :D HUGE CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR EC! You are such an awesome writer and a consistent "placer"! God bless your gift!!
06/13/09
I enjoyed your story a great deal. The characters were so authentic, and the dialogue was so real. It was good to see the soft side of "Hanet" peek out from behind her jaded facade. Congrats on your level placing, and thanks for your kind words about my story.
Lisa
Beautifully written! I love the sarcasm; fun to read. It reminds me of myself, and I always learn from mistakes...to be kinder, more patient and less impulsive.
06/23/09
Big congrats on this win--I knew it would place.