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Department of Happy Endings: Brother Grimm speaking. May I help you?
Yes, this is Snow White and I want to go back to before.
You can’t be serious.
Oh, I’m serious all right. Our wedding is tomorrow and I’ve got to get out of here before I’m stuck for life.
Let me get this straight. You want to go back to before.
You’d better believe it.
But, why would you want to go back? You’re about to become a princess. You have servants. You live in a castle. You have no bills to pay. You don’t have to clean up after the dwarves anymore and the Wicked Witch is gone forever.
Look, Brother Grimm: have you ever been engaged to a prince?
I can’t say I have.
Well, it’s no bowl of cherries; I can tell you that much.
What do you mean? He’s a handsome prince; what could be so bad?
Look, he’s handsome. I’ll grant you that. But he’s a real dud.
A dud?
Totally. The guy doesn’t lift a finger to do a thing for himself. He’s always lounging around the house or out riding his horses. I’m used to living with seven guys who go off to work every day. Before I met the prince I might have had to take care of the dwarves’ house but at least they said thank you. And we sat around the table after dinner and played music every evening.
And what’s life like with the Prince?
All he wants to do after dinner is watch jousting. I’m tired of watching jousting. I don’t even understand the rules. Once in a while, there’s a jester at court but they aren’t even that funny. I mean: Dopey was funnier than some of these guys. We never even go to parties. And the Prince has a temper.
He does?
Yeah, he makes Grumpy look like a pussycat. The minute anything goes wrong he starts to yell. Look, it’s not that I’m not grateful. After all, he’s a hottie and the castle is a nice place to live. I realize lots of other girls would love to be in my place. So, send one of them.
You really want to go back to before?
Yes, I do. My “happily ever after” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
OK, I’ll send you back. There’ll be a carriage outside in half an hour and it will take you back to the forest.
Thanks, Brother. Grimm. I really appreciate it. I can’t wait to get back to the dwarves. Doc was going to teach me about herbal medicine and Happy was …
Listen, Snow White; I’m going to have to hang up. I’ve got Sleeping Beauty on the other line and she sounds like she hasn’t slept in weeks.
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