The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
02/05/09
Familiar places. I used to live near Kamloops and miss it so much.

Very cute bit of dialogue about closing her eyes on the gondola and mom's reaction.

You made the Nanaimo bars sound yummy, too!

A little note on this part

“You don’t know what a Nanaimo bar is? I can’t believe you wouldn’t have had one when you were here.” Mom sounded incredulous that I didn’t know what this Nanaimo bar thing was.

You've already made mom sound incredulous in the
" dialogue " part (good job) so saying mom sounded incredulous is redundant because we know that. We just heard her. :)
Your characters, as well as the setting are revealed well through dialog.
The ending is a piercing shock.
02/06/09
I thoroughly enjoyed the story. The dialogue moved it along nicely, giving lots of info without "telling", and it sounded very natural. The ending totally through me for a loop, though, and I can't decide what my opinion of it is yet. (lol)
02/08/09
Wonderful job with the dialogue especially. That ending truly surprised me. Nicely done.
02/08/09
I love the contrast in moods here, and the aha! moment when the meaning of the title becomes clear. Absolutely heard-rending--and beautifully written.
The first time I read this I winced and thought... oh no... A sad ending. But wow... true story? SO SORRY. You pulled me in and made me grieve with you!

BTW.. I never heard of Nanaimo bars until I moved to Canada.. YUM!
02/09/09
It's tough to write about something so tragic. You did a good job sharing.
02/09/09
I'm so sorry. I had no idea it was true!
It's tough reading this, knowing it's true. I'm sure you never forgot the details of that last conversation. Thanks for sharing your story.
02/09/09
Sheri, may the Lord be with you as you continue to heal. Thank you for bearing your soul to us. Your parents sound like they were wonderful people!
Wow. Good twist. Sure wasn't expecting that.
02/12/09
Sheri, hope this piece helps with the healing. Thank you for sharing this story.