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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: The Reason for the Season of Christmas (12/04/08)

TITLE: Say What?
By Jan Ackerson


What is the reason for the season?

Well, lots of times it’s allergies. I don’t exactly know the medical terms for all this, but stuff in the air gets inside your nose, and it just itches and itches and itches. Or sometimes people just have a cold, and they can’t help it. Oh yeah, and also it happens all the time if you’re one of Snow White’s dwarfs.

You misunderstood me. That’s the reason for the sneezin’. What is the reason for the season?

Oh, pardon me. Well, it’s simple. When you’re not sure if a melon is ripe enough, it’s a great way to find out. They say it works for peaches, too, but in my opinion, if you find that peaches are soft, it’s waaaaaaay too late to buy them. Oh, wait! I thought of something else. When you’re in love, it’s a really nice way to show your affection. Kids like it, too—especially if they’ve got a boo-boo.

Good grief. That’s the reason for the squeezin’.

That’s right! Oh, now I know what you’re asking. Y’know, I was pretty good at history, but I’m not sure anyone really understood Benedict Arnold. I suppose it was some sort of misguided loyalty. I mean, really, why would anyone ever betray their country? But if you ask me, he chose the wrong side. Think about it—England’s got some silly game called cricket, and we’ve got real football. Poor ol’ Benedict…

I believe that’s the reason for the treason. You’re still not understanding me. What is the reason for the season?

Oops, sorry. I’ve got you now. It’s usually all in fun, really. Say someone makes a mistake, like wearing one black shoe and one brown shoe. It’s pretty funny, right? So their friends sort of laugh at ‘em a little bit, but not enough to hurt their feelings. Oooh, I remember one time when my friend Linda, she went to sit down but the chair had been moved and she had a soda in her hand and she landed on her, umm, and the pop went all over. We never let her forget that.

That would be the reason for the teasin’. Try again.

Ah. Well, it’s kinda indelicate. But sometimes when I eat too many beans…

Stop! That’s the reason for the breezin’.

I know, right? Broccoli does it, too. But seriously, I know what you’re getting at. It’s scientific, but I think I remember. The temperature goes down, and those molecules or atoms or something start to go real slow, like my Uncle Dexter. He’s ninety-seven years old, can you believe it? Anyway, when the atoms get really, really slow, they stop altogether, and voila! Ice cubes!

I believe you’ve just told me the reason for the freezin’.

Missed it again, huh? I’ve got you now, I promise. I like to think we do it just to make other people feel good. Like when my other friend Cheryl told me she just loved coconut but she never had it because it made her husband barf…sorry, but that’s what she said, and I made her a whole batch of coconut macaroons to have at work. And then Cheryl gave me one because I love them, too, and they don’t make me…well, you know.

Could that be the reason for the pleasin’?

Ummm…yeah. Lemme think now…Oh! Well, it’s that allergy thing again, then. Only when it’s really bad, it goes to the lungs, and it’s just hard to breathe.

Nope. That’s wheezin’.

Isn’t that what you asked?

No. I’ve been asking you—what is the reason for the season?

Why didn’t you say so in the first place? That’s the easiest one of all. It’s like…there was God, and there were all these people. And God loved them a bunch, but they couldn’t find Him, because He was God, you know? They didn’t even get Him. Well, that wasn’t right. And He couldn’t make them gods, but He could make Himself a person. A real, live, little person. Well, it’s a wonderful story—no, that’s not right, it’s the best story ever. Isn't that the coolest? God—a tiny baby!

Did I get it right this time?

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This article has been read 1060 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Schultz 12/11/08
Maybe a hearing aid for Christmas? Enjoyed the humor.
Karlene Jacobsen12/13/08
A hearing aid might be under the tree for ya...(hehe)
I nearly, well yyou know... i don't think I can say it in public...
Funny, hilarious, haha!
Loved it!
If I can keep a straight face, I'll read it to the family.
Joanne Sher 12/13/08
What a RIOT - and what fun this must have been to write! Definitely unique, I'd wager. Truly enjoyed this read!
Peter Stone12/16/08
What a riot, and a common occurance in my household with my (lack of) hearing and all. Loved the last paragraph, especially "And He couldn’t make them gods, but He could make Himself a person."
Dianne Janak12/16/08
This was clever, fun, and just hit me that it sounds like conversations between my hubby and I lately.. and there is NO way he'd ever get a hearing aid..! Loved it.. thanks for making my day.. :)
Dee Yoder 12/16/08
Yeah...I agree...this is the kind of conversation I have with my hubby, only it's because I sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to him: waa...waa...waa.waa...waa. Very clever, Jan!
TJ Nickel12/16/08
Fun, creative, and a great angle.
Unsure about it overall, but liked the creativity a great deal.
Verna Cole Mitchell 12/16/08
As usual, you have "play on words" down to a fine art. I love the voice.
Teresa Lee Rainey12/16/08
This was such a blast to read. Betting you had a blast writing it too. Very fun, very unique take on the topic - Again, I truly enjoyed the read. Thanks! :)
Sonya Leigh12/16/08
Too much fun! Wouldn't it be fun to script this for radio? On second thought, everyone would get into a car wreck from laughing so much:-)
Laury Hubrich 12/17/08
Awesome writing! So funny and real.
Betty Castleberry12/17/08
Unique, unique, unique, and SO entertaining. Loved this!
Kristen Hester12/17/08
This is so funny. I'd love to see it done as a skit at church. You're still the queen of creativity!
Sharon Kane12/17/08
Simply brilliant! And the judges won't have been yawning their way through it that's for sure. To me the cleverest thing was not the plays on words, though you sure did a fantastic job on that. It was that you didn't change the voice and go all religious in the last paragraph. Stunning!
David Story12/17/08
This is very good.
Thanks, Jan.
Catrina Bradley 12/17/08
Fun!!! I don't know how "on topic" it is, but it's definitely a hoot. Love the ACTUAL explanation for reason for the season, especially how God couldn't make people gods, but He could become a person. Very logical!
Leah Nichols 12/17/08
I liked the creative dialect. Very fun entry!
Sharlyn Guthrie12/17/08
You definitely found a creative slant for the topic! I really like the final paragraph...so much truth without preachiness. Two thumbs up!
Lyn Churchyard12/17/08
This is too funny, oh dear, the reason for the breezin'. Jan, this is as good as the old "Who's on first" gag, yet when you reach the end, you get hit with the truth. Very, very different, but extremely well written.
Janice Fitzpatrick12/18/08
Grinning from ear to ear jan. Thx for the big oversized chuckle I got from reading this piece hon! Now, you do carry this one right "out of the box", down the hall,past the "allergens",the breezers who ate too many beans,lol, the sneezers and everything else to finally meet the true meaning of Christmas, dead on, in a smiple unique way. Great job hon! Thx too for the encouraging words for my piece, "Still A Voice.":0) Merry Christmas dear!"
Natalie Cole05/14/09
haha nice humor :)