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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Christmas Cooking/Baking (not recipes) (10/16/08)

TITLE: The Christmas Goose
By Beth LaBuff


The old farmhouse exuded glee –
Unbridled expectation,
While youth and elders strategized
Their Christmas celebration.

The merriment that overflowed
Infected fowl and beast.
In the barnyard peace ensued
And acrimony creased.

Except… that is, one envious pig
Got up his porker dander
When he observed the peacock strut
Of one illustrious gander.

The gander overheard the cook,
Whose silvered-tongue was loose,
That if he plumped-up, he’d become
This seasons Christmas goose.

The whole farmhouse, both young and old,
At once began to pander,
Feeding this and bits of that
To fatten up the gander.

To be the Christmas goose MUST BE
The wish of every gosling.

For every inch his waistline grew,
More lustrous grew his goose dream.

With each applause and patted-back
And lofty gander praise,
The pig’s hate exponentially grew
For all the gander’s ways.

Pig quipped, to put him in his place,
“They’re going to cook your goose.”
Then added, while his nose-ring bobbed,
“You’ll simmer in your juice.”

And then to emphasize his point
They waddled to a window.
From underneath they overheard
The children’s voices flow.

With sing-song voice they patty-caked
A chant that made him shiver.
“Pluck the fowl, discard the tail,
Take out his goosey-liver.”

“Add peppercorns, season to taste,
Then truss him up with kite string.
Cook will roast the Christmas goose that’s
Crammed with chestnut stuffing.”

Then goose-bumps on the gander flared.
His face grew flushed, then paled.
A plan began to formulate
So he’d not be de-tailed.

With not a moment left to spare,
He donned clothes from the clothesline.
When cook went out to dress the fowl,
He hid behind the grapevine.

The cook, with kids and jealous pig,
Searched far— all o’er the place
What started as a hunting crew
Wound up a wild-goose chase.

With nary a gander sighting
Of hide, nor hair or feather,
Cook then whipped up a Plan B
The children thought ‘twas clever.


The gander near the window crept,
When deemed the coast was clear.
The children’s chant – a second verse?
Was music to his ears.

“Green-bean casserole, candied yams,
Pumpkin pie, and custard.
We’ll pig out on Christmas ham
That’s spiced with cloves and mustard.”

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This article has been read 1790 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 10/25/08
Oh, SO delightful and fun. You've done it again, my friend. Love the epilogue, and all the AMAZINGLY clever language, as usual. (and if I'm wrong about whose this is, I'll eat...um...HAM!)
Seema Bagai 10/25/08
Hilarious and clever. An enjoyable piece.
Dixie Phillips10/26/08
Charming! What wit! In my opinion, a contender indeed!
Gregory Kane10/27/08
A delightful tale. I couldn't work out who to feel sorrier for, the swine or the goose.
Verna Cole Mitchell 10/27/08
My absolute favorite this week. What a pig tale!
Yvonne Blake 10/27/08
HA, HA, HA....how do you do it? I just LOVE your animal poems!
Sharlyn Guthrie10/27/08
A Master-piece, for sure! You create the clearest, funniest images, and all the while maintain rhyme and rhythm. Absolutely top-notch.
Patty Wysong10/27/08
I love these stories you tell! I giggle all through them, every time!
T. F. Chezum10/27/08
This is great, I love it! Great job.
Angela M. Baker-Bridge10/28/08
Masterfully entertaining!
Celeste Ammirata10/28/08
This is so funny! I love the haughty goose and jealous porker. Great words and rhythm in this poem. Thanks for sharing. You had me smiling.
Karlene Jacobsen10/28/08
Very clever! I enjoyed watching the goose learn his fate and try to escape.
The rhyme and verse, to me, were fun to read.
Sharlyn Guthrie10/30/08
Aw, I was certain I would find this on the EC list this morning. Well, it's a winner in my book, for what that's worth. :)
Charla Diehl 11/05/08
Beth this is great. I love poetry and was happy to see this one on the EC listings. Your picture words and characters made this delightfully entertaining.
Lynn Squire11/14/08
This is very humorous. I love it.
Joanne Sher 11/14/08
LOVE this (but you knew that alrady!). Wish I could write like this :D
Dee Yoder 11/14/08
As is usual for you, Beffy, this is excellent and oh so funny! Poor pig...and wasn't he a clever goose?!