The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/18/08
This was emotional. I think if you left out all of the future stuff and just focused on the dad's time with his new daughter, then you could have done it justice. The last sentence was a little unreal for me, as it is a promise no parent can make. Other than that, you had all the right ingredients and writing skills, it just needs a little remix to make it perfect.
04/18/08
I thought it would be more creative too if you had left out all the day dreaming stuff. But it was different. A for creativity.
04/18/08
Sorry I got distracted by one of my kids :) I meant to say that I thought it would have been more emotional if you had left out all the day dreaming.
04/19/08
I liked this entry. I love seeing how tender Daddy's can be. Nice job.
Laury
04/20/08
Moving story, and glad to see the little one pull through. The daydreaming scenes seemed to break the flow, especially since the first italicized paragraph was memories.