The Official Writing Challenge
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02/21/08
Wow, so sad, but poignant. I like the style of the one-sided conversation; illustrates the topic really well.
02/21/08
Can almost taste the bitterness in the MCs life, it's so strong. Powerful illustration of the topic.
02/21/08
Wow, you really got inside the mind of a dying, pathetic old man. The voice is so real, and his monologue illustrates the topic perfectly. Great job.
02/22/08
This is so powerful and sad. I was moved to tears picturing this man, because I've spent so much time in nursing homes these past 2 years. Very true to life and extremely well-written.
02/22/08
Wow. Bitterness eats at you, destroying you from the inside out--just like you described here. This monologue says more than a two-sided conversation could've. Excellent job.
Such great characterization! This man truly came to life!It takes such skill to do characters justice and you surely did! His character was multi-layered. I liked the way you showed him as a mean man who obviously cursed all day, but when he said "Gina....",and talked about her green eyes, you knew it was a soft spot of him speaking.He certainly did "chop" his nose off in a way lots of parents do! Loved the voice ... an excellent story.
02/23/08
Perfect illustration of the theme—and what a sad end to a man's life. Great writing.
This was so sad, poor lonely old man. I loved the way your MC kept refering to "my Gina" and "my little Gina". Regret can be one of the toughest lessons we learn. This is an excellent example of the topic. So well written!
The taste of bitterness and regret was stronger than the taste of the cookie to the old man. Your characterization is masterful. I really wanted his Gina to come to see him, despiter his treatment of her. To die alone and unloved would be so sad.
02/24/08
A great piece of writing.The title could be a bit more exciting--like "talking to a tattoo."
02/24/08
Wow! So sad... with his mind traveling back...but his only memories are of his rejection of his daughter... Excellent writing of this haunting piece. Great title too.
02/24/08
I could hear this old man talking to me, as I sat beside him and fetched him cookies. Simply wonderful.
02/25/08
I've met someone just like this...masterfully written...could picture the scene perfectly.
You drew me in from the first sentence to the last word. This was so good!
I could see this old man clearly. Sadly, I don't think he'll "get it" before he dies. Well done.
Wonderful job showing loneliness and the wasting of life, so sad. Great job on topic.
02/25/08
The stolen life of a bitter person is a sad topic, and you captured this old man's attitude perfectly. I still feel sorry for him, though. What a waste of life and love. You certainly brought this kind of pain to life in this character.
02/25/08
Perfectly told from the point of view of this old man. Even if the boy with the tattoo and earring were speaking back to him, he wasn't listening. He was in a cage of his own design. All he could hear were the echos of regret in the hollows of his heart.
02/25/08
I love the voice of this piece...you've nailed the bitterness of a life lost beautifully! Excellent job!
The title is not as bad as you think, I think it worked well with your content. While sad, i enjoyed your take on this old character.
02/26/08
I love this, Jan - how you only told from the one point of view, leaving the response, if it existed to the imagination. How you perfectly characterized him. Your occasional choppy sentences that work wonderfully well. Very, VERY good.
The repetition of "Do you know my Gina?" throughout is very effective. The young man's fidgeting and attempts to escape are certainly a realistic touch. You've portrayed this character and his bitter attitude extremely well.
02/27/08
Amazing view of a conversation from one side only, that reveals a life wasted. Your potrayal of the old man is brilliantly done, too, especially with him continually asking the same adled question.
You leave me wondering if the young volunteer is his grandson or great-grandson.
You captured the essence of a grumpy, bitter old man very well. One thing I really liked was that the words the old man spoke actually helped me picture the young man and his actions as well. Even though I never heard the young man say a word, I got the visual based on the old man's dialogue. Very clever! No wonder you are a master. Thanks for sharing. :)
02/27/08
I love this! You never described the old man but I totally saw him and even how he would have moved and gestured. WOW. Truly Masterful.
02/27/08
Great storytelling as always. A very different style for you this week! Good job!
Laury
02/27/08
Hmmmm. You captured the grumpy, bitter guy...and the young man. I had a feeling that the young man was one of Gina's sons or grandsons that had ventured to come down and after hearing about what he had to say about Gina would get upset and leave and then the old guy would've lost 'her' all over again. This was still interesting though. You made a one-sided conversation seem like a whole story! ^_^
A moment in the life of bitter regrets...my goodness this man needs help! I'm not too sure who can give it to him, but just maybe that earringed, tatooed(sp?) volunteer just might be the one. A writer who can evoke these kind of emotions for such an honry character has to be good. Great job!
02/28/08
CONGRATULATIONS!! Master-storying telling!
02/28/08
Congratulations on first place!
02/28/08
Congratulations on your 1st place, Jan. Your writing truly is masterful.
02/28/08
***Congratulations, Aunt Jan!*** ^_^
Congratulations!
02/28/08
Wonderful story-telling here, as always!
02/28/08
Oh, Jan, beautiful job. Right on topic, and it particularly touches my heart since we have such a story in our own extended family. I'll have to have this book, autographed copy, of course. (^&^)
02/29/08
Jan - I just read this and am left in awe once again. This is what Christian writing is about - shutting everything else out and leaving the heart exposed.
Wow! Great writing. congratualtions again and again and again ...
03/04/08
I loved this. I laughed out loud when I read that the cookie tasted like sawdust. Very well done. I felt like I was almost sitting there talking to him. Great job! And congrats on your first place.