My footsteps echoed down the narrow hallway of the church building. I opened the door to the room where our Bible study group meets and was greeted by a cheery “Hello Janice” from several ladies. I took my usual seat and jumped right into the friendly banter that always takes place before we get started. After all, it would be nearly impossible for a group of women not to spend at least a little time visiting. Besides, the happy chatter made just enough noise to hide IT.
I didn’t look forward to the room getting quieter when we began our study. I knew, sooner or later, IT would happen.
When I first started going to Bible study, IT didn’t seem so apparent. For the last few weeks, though, IT was becoming increasingly brave, and making ITself known, loud and clear. IT seems to know when I am in Bible class. IT isn’t very noticeable at any other time.
For some people, IT isn’t a big problem anyway, but for me, IT is embarrassing. I’ve tried to tell myself IT is normal and natural, and has happened to everyone, but it doesn’t help. IT still makes me blush.
Google and I have become good friends trying to figure out how to stop IT.
I’ve tried almost everything I’ve read about including avoiding milk, taking antacids, increasing my exercise, stuffing myself almost to the point of misery, you name it, and still, IT happens.
So, when I sat down in my chair this particular morning, I was trying to prepare myself for IT. The ladies are always nice when IT happens. They say it could just as well have been them, but that doesn’t really help. I just don’t want IT to happen at all.
Our leader asked us to open our Bibles to Matthew. I obliged her, and found the right chapter. This looked like it was going to be a great study. I was really looking forward to studying about forgiveness. Now if only IT would stay away.
As the room quieted down, I felt an odd tightening down in my lower abdomen. Oh no. It was really early for IT to start. I tried to ignore the sensation. It seemed to concentrate on my left side and dance a little jig in my gut. Nervously, I shifted forward in my seat, trying to make a little bit of noise in case IT happened. Thankfully, the feeling faded away, and I looked back down at the scripture we were discussing. Just a few minutes later, another peculiar sensation fluttered in my abdomen. IT started to build and swell until…oh dear. I coughed, hoping that would cover IT. I heard IT, but this time IT wasn’t too loud. No one else seemed to notice.
Since IT had already happened, I hoped I would get a reprieve before IT happened again. However, this wasn’t the case. It wasn’t long before I felt the first nagging hints of IT again. From way up under my ribs a little tingle started. The tingle started moving along, doing a long, slow slide down the center of my belly. It was teasing me, torturing me, leaving me not knowing when IT would finally happen. The tingling sensation came to rest just under my belly button. The peculiar bubbly feeling just sat there, waiting for the right opportunity to pounce on all the unsuspecting ladies. I couldn’t stop IT. IT had power over me. Unzipping my purse, clearing my throat, sniffing loudly, none of this would be able stop the sound of this Mega IT. I held my breath and braced myself, not knowing exactly when IT would occur.
At a particularly quiet moment, IT announced ITself with gusto. A low rumbling sound that sounded like a mini freight train came from the depths of my intestines. IT might as well have been the sound track from “The Guns of Navarone.”
Several pairs of eyes focused on me. I stammered. “I, I , guess I’m hungry.”
One lady started to chuckle. “Don’t worry about it, honey. I didn’t eat a thing this morning and my stomach’s growling, too.”
That was odd. I hadn’t heard a thing, but it was nice of her to try to make me feel better.
The group leader smiled. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s just feast on The Word.”
Yes. Let’s ignore my growling stomach and feast on The Word. I wouldn’t be against going for a burger afterwards, though.
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