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I’m trying to get happy,
help me in my quest.
Happiness class 101;
is there a beta test?
I’ve sweated, fasted, starved
to emaciate myself,
but Twiggy wasn’t popular
and I looked like an elf.
Then I got a boob job,
my cleavage was divine,
but got some bad attention;
the jokes -- quite out of line.
I’d heard big “spendies” shopping
was a panacea of sorts.
I bought a deadly pistol and
some very cheeky shorts.
I swanned by Patrick Swayze
in million dollar shoes,
sparkly things from Tiffany’s,
and body full of booze,
but bouncers saw through my plan –
they kicked me out the door;
so much for dirty dancing
with Patrick on the floor.
My personals weren’t answered
by anyone worthwhile,
except for one delicious man
who turned out to be vile.
It seems at my age good men
are very hard to find,
even Jesus may come back
and I’d be left behind.
Food, figure, boobs,
Botox, shopping, booze;
even Patrick Swayze’s hips
can't seem to enthuse.
Any more suggestions?
Things I haven’t tried?
I'm searching for some happiness,
I will not be denied.
I’m kind of leftward leaning,
perhaps I’ve missed the light;
perchance I’ll find the answer
in a religious rite.
I’m off to highlight verses,
get some bigger hair
and as for Patrick Swayze,
I’m on my knees in prayer…
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