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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Write in the POETRY genre (05/17/07)

TITLE: Megan's Hands
By Jan Ackerson
05/19/07


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In the yard, the sunlight streaming,
Megan’s digging in the dirt.
My daughter—fair and freckled—only three:
Now she looks—is Papa watching?
Does he know I’m being good?

I ache with love, blow kisses playfully.

She is blithely humming, wandering
Toward the borders of the lawn
Where lurks a poison oak, enticing, red.
It calls her name, this temptress:
See how shiny—pretty—bright?
Put down your spoon, and grasp my leaves instead!


How I hasten to her side, and
Cry, “Oh sweetie, let it go!”
Her fists behind her back, a stubborn chin--
“Papa, no,” she whispers, pouting
As I open up each hand:
Six crumpled leaves—and tender, blistered skin.

Though I bathe her hands with water,
Still the damage has been done;
Her toddler’s hands by toxins are defiled.
Oh, I wish she would have listened
To her papa’s warning words…

…Forgive me, Lord, forgive—I am my child.


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This article has been read 1243 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Helen Paynter05/24/07
What a great message in this deceptively simple poem. A powerful allegory; the technical part of the poem, as I expected, is flawless.
Leigh MacKelvey05/24/07
Wonderful ending! A great metaphorical poem! Good job.
Dixie Phillips 05/24/07
Wow! I had a "mirror" experience as I read this. I enjoyed it very much.
Maxx .05/24/07
Let me add a "ditto" to the above comments. Technically strong and powerfully written in a simple, sweet tale.
Mo 05/24/07
Wow, powerful last line.
Jacquelyn Horne05/26/07
Wonderful example of how the Lord looks on us. Good job.
Rhonda Clark05/26/07
I love this. Such a wonderful message.
Sheri Gordon05/28/07
This is eerily good -- the allegory is amazing. I got the chills thinking about how many times my Father warned me, and how many times I didn't listen.

Wonderful poem. (And I love it being short.) :)
Henry Clemmons05/28/07
Great! A very touching poem.
Cassie Memmer05/28/07
Good insight/allegory. How like a child we are. Nice writing.
Sharlyn Guthrie05/28/07
I love how this is concise and yet packed with meaning. You vividly illustrated our Heavenly "Papa's" unfailing sorrow and compassion for His children.
Pat Guy 05/28/07
Such a painful message in such tender tiny hands ... loved the 'stubborn chin.'

Profound, deep and lovely. Loved the flow and the perfect breaks with word choices.

Is it odd we both wrote about little daughters? ;)
Dee Yoder 05/29/07
A poem that stayed with me long after I read it the first time. True to life for kids and parents, and all of God's sometimes stubborn children!
Myrna Noyes05/29/07
Wow! Awesome message in this wonderful piece! I'm glad our Father bathes our blistered hearts when we touch poison, too! :)
Benjamin Graber05/29/07
Great metaphor - I love it when an "everyday" event can be applied to our relationship with Father.
Teri Wilson05/29/07
Wonderful symbolism. I never would have guessed this was yours! I don't know why but I am completely suprised. I really enjoyed it. I love the more simple poems.
Betty Castleberry05/29/07
I love the innocence of the child that you captured here. I also love the symbolisnm in the temptation. While it's a tad embarrassing for me to admit, I really don't quite understand everything you are saying, though. Everyone else seems to, so it's probably just me.
This is really a lovely poem. You did a great job. You shouldn't be unhappy with it.
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/29/07
Your final sentence clinches the whole poem beautifully.
Joanne Sher 05/29/07
Oh, did that last line get me! You put the whole poem in a new perspective. Good job.
Rita Garcia05/30/07
WOW! You guide the reader through the story and with the last line turn their thoughts upward! A powerful message!
Lynda Lee Schab 05/30/07
This one really packed a punch, didn't it? Wonderfully crafted piece-beautifully executed. Loved it.
Donna Emery05/30/07
Simple and sweet. I don't think it's a stinker at all. Thanks for sharing it
dub W05/30/07
A strong tight poem. Well presented. Thanks.
Patty Wysong05/30/07
So good! It's sweet yet it packs a whallop!
TJ Nickel05/30/07
Gutsy last line. Great poem.
LaNaye Perkins05/30/07
You hit the nail on the head. We are all like little Megan with her stubborn chin. Great message!
Linda Watson Owen05/30/07
Perfection! Absolutely wonderful. So very skillfully written. This is poetry at its best! Loved it, Jan!
Bryan Coomes05/31/07
This was great. There is so much going on in what felt like very few words. I suppose that is what "tight writing" is all about..lol

Janice Fitzpatrick06/02/07
Beautiful and endearing. What a correlation too.Great job. Thank you for your insight and your kind comments, including my latest challenge talking about nature,the walk in the woods and the insight of a very young one one winter morn. God bless your gifts, you are truly amaxzing in your writing and your testimony of perseverance through tragedy is very encouraging hon. Hugs in Christ, Janice