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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Write in the POETRY genre (05/17/07)

TITLE: Failure
By Purity Snowe
05/19/07


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Fetid haze rolled through the alley
As the midnight pitch was sinking.
I saw nothing but a memory,
Lovers dancing and embracing
Under stars strewn bright like candles.
Reaching out, the image faded.
Ending cruelly with his leaving.

For a moment I’d been special,
Almost treated like a princess.
Issued license to be happy.
Lost in transitory passion,
Until fate returned my sorrows
Reeling me back where I’d started.
Etching misery and torment.

Fingers wet now, bathed in crimson.
Ashen blade dropped near the dumpster.
Incised wrists, life-spilling, mortal.
Losing strength I slipped and faltered.
Urine stained, the walls spun round me.
Retching, falling in the gutter.
Eager death consumed my failure.

From the edges of forever
All the hosts of hell were laughing.
I could hear them, taste them, see them
Looking, waiting, watching, scheming.
Up a tunnel seared in blackness
Red eyes gleamed and stared unblinking.
Earthly fall, unending torture.

Faint, a distant recollection,
Amber, flickering, and faded.
In a church a child was praying.
Loving hands around her trembled.
Upturned eyes, a cross stood glowing.
Rosy cheeks were streaked and wanting.
Eloquent, a budding heart-song.

Full of rage the demons countered.
Angry curses screamed deriding,
“Insincere! You’re lost! You’re faithless!
Languish now, your fate enduring!”
Unheard words, my silent weeping.
Ragged breath of last repentance.
Envious for life, a blessing.

Fierce a voice from heaven thundered
As the filth about me scattered.
I could see the demons fleeing.
Light burned hot about the rubbish.
Unrestrained, my heart grew stronger.
Righteous love and jealous seeking.
Endless hope, unearned forgiveness.
Saved by grace, a new belonging.


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This article has been read 768 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Pat Guy 05/24/07
This-is-awesome! (I have a feeling I know)

Wow! And double Wow!!

Wow.
Jacquelyn Horne05/24/07
So profound! Good job.
Dixie Phillips 05/24/07
Especially loved the last three words -- a new belonging! Power packed!
Maxx .05/24/07
Excellent excellent work! Love the movement and the message. The thing I really like is that in every stanza the first letters of the lines spell out "Failure" .... incredible! Take a look … every stanza has:

F
A
I
L
U
R
E

That is very hard to do … wow!
Sharlyn Guthrie05/24/07
The construction of your poem is extremely creative, and the message tremendous!
Cassie Memmer05/24/07
Wow! AS I began the third stanza I wanted to stop reading and almost did. I'm glad I finished it. Thanks for offering hope, and the reception of that blessed hope. This is awesome,blessed.
Cassie Memmer05/24/07
Wow! AS I began the third stanza I wanted to stop reading and almost did. I'm glad I finished it. Thanks for offering hope, and the reception of that blessed hope. This is awesome, blessed.
Rhonda Clark 05/25/07
This is cool. Great job.
Leigh MacKelvey05/27/07
Vivid , strong word choices!
So well constructed! I loved it.
Jan Ackerson 05/28/07
Love the structure, and your imagery, as always, is amazing.

Since you asked for critique, I'l suggest that perhaps it's a stanza too long? One is simply overwhelmed by the failure and bleakness--perhaps the effect you were going for? The grace at the end is welcomed with utter relief, and registers deep in the soul.

You're incredibly gifted.
Dee Yoder 05/29/07
I agree with the others that the structure of your poem is impressive. As a new writer, I'd like to ask; how'd you do that?!
Debora Dyess05/29/07
Great poem; love the acrostic style. Especially like that the acrostic at the end is different--pluralized to show the failure of the multiple demons. Very well done. A winner in my book (if that counts for anything!)
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/29/07
This haunting narrative poem has beautiful imagery and a wonderful message.
Benjamin Graber05/29/07
We are all failures. Thank God for His mercy, making us something special.
Great poem, I really appreciated it. You did a good job using the acrostic technique.
Joanne Sher 05/29/07
Haunting images. Wonderful piece.
TJ Nickel05/30/07
Excellent and nice use of the title throughout. I especially liked the middle stanzas, the rhythm was perfect there.
Rita Garcia05/30/07
I am soooo in awe of your gift for writing poetry. You touch my emotions and feelings in a deep and meaningful way.
Teri Wilson05/30/07
Purity, Okay... I liked my poem until I read yours. LOL You are a real poet. This is amazing. So glad you are back in the Challenge!
T. F. Chezum05/31/07
This is great. I like the unique structure and the vivid imagery.
Matthew Gedeon06/03/07
Well made. It's a very vivid picture.
Victoria Weathers06/18/07
I don't know what I could add to the other comments. The poem is remarkable. It's structure is genius. I've never seen anything like that.

I dabble in poetry but after seeing someone so advanced...I am blown away.

Saying "well done" from a rookie like me just doesn't seem appropriate. But it was very well done!