Home Tour About What's New Help Forums Join Login My Account Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
I
Need A
Savior
301
  

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)

TITLE: Seduction in Paradise
By Pat Guy
04/18/07


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Whooooa! Donald Trump in a thong? On the beach? A breezy beach? NOT a visual she had planned on taking back with her from vacation. And if it wasn’t him, it must be his long lost twin or something … Acck! Chaucny averted her glance to the palm trees and red hibiscus surrounding their bungalow. She knew what was coming … yep … there she was – little Miss Lipo, tummy-tuck Babe bouncing up to Mr. Thong Buster. Pbleckk! What a sight! This place was guaranteed to be a secluded tropical paradise and what do we get? Circus on the Beach!

Chaucny looked down at her own body and plopped back on the blanket starring up at the clouds … And what do I wear? A flamingo pink, 50% off tummy tuck, one-piece bathing suit with a fanny skirt. How can I compete? What did I expect anyway? Her exasperated sigh reached the moving clouds just as they let the sun come sizzling down on her unTanning Booth skin. She closed her eyes tight. Out of sight, out of mind, she grimaced. Yeah right … until the next time … gross! A shudder crept from her toes, to her fanny skirt and escaped through her shoulders.

Of course, right at that same moment, a shadow covered her face and the voice of George Clooney spoke with enough sugar to sweeten a gallon of tea, “ Hey good lookin, watchcha got cookin?”

Chauncy shielded her eyes from the halo surrounding this hunk of a Clooney clone, “Me, evidently – I’m the only one out here roasting with no umbrella. My husband is SUPPOSED to be out looking for one, but he probably got distracted somewhere between here and there.”

Honey glistened on his lips, “Now, how could that be possible when he has you waiting for him?”

On my, the smile too. She could almost taste the sweet tea. She smiled back.

Clooney Clone got on his knees and looked deep into her smoldering eyes, “Chauncy, I couldn’t find an umbrella, but I did see a trail going though all those trees over there. Want a jungle kiss?”

Mmmmmm …. he always did know the way to her heart. Her head was spinning with the scent of Eau de Tanning Lotion … mmmmm … nice. She gave her best rendition of a silent-film swoon and took his hand … he held her close and … she waited to exhale.

Chauncy noticed little Miss Lipo, tummy-tuck Babe sashaying by … a pang tore through her like a harpoon – but then, she was being seduced by her husband of 17 yrs. … not bouncing off Mr. Thong Buster.







©2007


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 895 times
Member Comments
Member Date
terri tiffany04/20/07
Lol!! I loved it! Terrific detail and great punch at the end!! Oh how I can relate:)
Jan Ackerson 04/20/07
Love it! Every last word! I knew where you were going, but I thoroughly enjoyed the journey...it made me laugh out loud, and it made me long for summer.
Julie Arduini04/20/07
Great job of showing not telling with strong actions and descriptions. I can smell the lotion now...great work, very funny!
Sheri Gordon04/21/07
Very funny -- very real. Next time I worry about my mid-life body, I'll remember Chauncey. Thanks for the laugh.
Sharlyn Guthrie 04/21/07
Thanks for the trip to Paradise. It was fun and hilarious!
Sally Hanan04/23/07
Sorry I'm late with this, I was away all w/e. Ok, gotta get this critiquing sandwich down.
Good: You nailed married life and made me laugh, which was the point,
Filling: except for the swooning bit - after 17 years that might be a teensy bit exaggerated..;)I know these things; it'll be 17 years in September. As for the writing, it feels a little rushed, as if you didn't put your usual love into writing it, but good overall.
Good: I loved the swimsuit, the thong on Trump (ugh)and the honey lips. Thongs are overrated anway ;)
william price04/23/07
Oh my, my. What our creative minds come up with. Excellent job, great imagination. A visual I didn't really need:), but a very funny and entertaining story. God bless.
Sheri Gordon04/23/07
I have to put my 2 cents in regarding Sally's comment. (Great sandwich critiquing on Sally's part.)

I don't think your swooning was exaggerated at all for 17 yrs of marriage. I've been married almost 24 yrs, and the dialogue you used could easily have been from my husband. :) (Yet I'm having a hard time writing romance.)
Val Clark04/24/07
From your post I was expecting something outrageous! I think you were reaching for a voice and maybe could have taken a bit more time to develop it. You reeled me in with the George Cluny clone and the acerbic comments about the other bathers were amusing observations.
Shari Armstrong 04/25/07
Hehehe - this could have worked for Romance as well :) hehehehe . Offensive? nope!
Verna Cole Mitchell 04/25/07
I enjoyed this. A husband who still knows how to flirt with his wife after 17 years is the very best kind!
Betty Castleberry04/25/07
This was fun! I love the "Want a jungle kiss?" line. Just one question...have you been inside my head? This reminded me a lot of when we visited St. Thomas last December. Very nicely done.


   
© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service