Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
- TITLE: Celestial FM
By Helen Paynter
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Good morning, and welcome to ‘The Pearly Morning News,’ brought to you from the
heart of the Heavenly City. I’m Tony Davidson, your host.
Let’s start the morning with a weather check. How’s it looking, Jennifer?
Good morning, Tony. Well, from my vantage point at Mount Zion Weather Centre I can
tell you it’s going to be another glorious day. But then you knew that, didn’t you?
Just a few cirrostratus in the sky. But then there’s no sun to block out, is there? A gentle south-westerly breeze will make it a pleasant day for us all.
Thank you, Jennifer.Well now, we have a treat for you folks today. Some very special
interviews, and some very special guest stars. But first, a message from our sponsors…
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Welcome back to ‘The Pearly Morning News’ with me, Tony Davidson.
Now, think back to when you arrived here. That glorious scent that first greeted you. Wishing your shroud had had a pocket for your sunglasses. Those wonderful reunions. Well, today we are asking: who were you most surprised to see when you arrived? And to answer that question, our first guest today is Abraham. Sir, let me tell you this is an honour.
Well, thank you Tony. It’s a pleasure to be here today. Although I’m afraid journalism is not what it was.
Well, in my day we were informed of events in advance. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, for instance. I didn’t have to wait until the next day to read about it in the papers. I was informed by a special messenger beforehand.
Hmmm… moving swiftly on. When you arrived here, who were you most surprised to see?
Well, Tony, I was astonished to see some of the descendents of my first son, Ishmael.
That would be the Arabs?
Correct. You see, my having Ishmael was all a horrible mistake. God told me that all his promises would come true through my second son, Isaac. His descendents were God’s chosen people.
I can see why you were surprised.
Yes – I hadn’t realised God would be grafting people into his family – even from old Ishmael’s lot. But it’s good to know that he could even redeem a stupid mistake like mine.
Well, thank you for that interesting perspective. We come now to our next guest – Ian Paisley. Dr Paisley – I’m delighted to have you here.
Och, just call me Ian, Tony. No titles or crowns here, eh?
Well, if you insist. So, the big question – who were you most surprised to see when you arrived?
Tony, it was my good friend the Pope. I’m afraid we didn’t see eye to eye on some things before, and I’m scunnered to say I called him some pretty bad names in my time. So yes, I was surprised to be welcomed by him. Just shows how much we all had to learn back then.
Well, thank you Ian. I reckon we’ve all wised up since those days.
Now, I have here some of the answers that you’ve been phoning in. Let me see… George in New Adelaide says, ‘My father’. Well, praise the Lord for that! Flora in New New Jersey has phoned to say, ‘people who drink alcohol.’ Yes Flora – I think that one caught a lot of us out.
Now, we come to our final guest, and let me tell you folks, I’m really excited. The man who knew the mind of God better than any other person. The man who wrote half of the New Testament. I’m speaking, of course, of the apostle Paul! Welcome, sir.
Thank you, Tony. I’m pleased to be here today.
No, we’re honoured; I gather your speaking schedule is pretty tight. So, tell us – who were you most
surprised to find when you came through those pearly gates for the first time? Or perhaps for you there were no surprises?
Oh no – there’s one person here that I’m still amazed to find in the Heavenly City… Me, of course.
Being the greatest of sinners, and all that.
Well, there’s always a surprise on ‘The Pearly Morning News.’ Thank you to all our guest stars.
Coming next – delicious recipes for the fruit of life. But first, the headlines…
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