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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Unsung Hero (12/07/06)

TITLE: A Dozen Crumpled Pages
By Jan Ackerson
12/10/06


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Once there was a girl who was loved by God…

The writer stops, her pencil no longer scratching the paper. This is not the right kind of beginning for the girl’s story. She rubs her temples, willing the words to come. Somehow, she has to find a way to show the readers a true picture of this girl.

Try something different.


She is eighteen, she is lovely,
She is made of Joy and Light,
She blesses all who share her shining world—
Beloved of her Father,
She is innocent and bright;
The future surely shines on such a girl…

Poetry—better, thinks the writer. That’s exactly what the girl was like. But the hard part of the story is coming up. The writer can’t put that part into rhyme, is not even sure that she can write it at all.

Write it. Just write it.


She was nervous about riding the horse, had never ridden a horse before. Its flanks quivered beneath her denim-clad legs as she leaned forward to pat its neck. A twitch, a start—the horse began to run, bucking and bucking as it tore through the trees.

And then she was flying, weightless for a few brief seconds, until the ground rushed upwards and she met it with a thud and a snap.

There. That’s done.

The writer stops to wipe a tear with the back of her hand. A second tear trickles past the stone in her throat. Don’t stop here, this is not the story. This is prelude.

Free verse, perhaps?


She thinks she can do it.
Sit up.
She hopes she can do it.
Crawl.
She prays she can do it.
A step. Another. Another.

You can do it, dear heart.
Sit up and look to Me.
You can do it, child of Mine.
Crawl to where I have stooped for you.
You can do it, precious daughter.
A step to Me—I have always been here.

The writer rips a sheet from the tablet. It joins perhaps a dozen pages crumpled on the carpet, each covered with erasures and scribbled-out phrases. She can not write this, there are no words. No words to express why this girl is her hero.

Just tell them. Set aside the writerly gimmicks, and tell them her story.


She has lived with her devastating injury for over six years. The words that she spoke to her mother from a gurney in the emergency room have become her theme: I feel at peace.

For months of grueling physical therapy—Christ was her peace.

During four years of college in a wheelchair—Christ was her peace.

When learning to drive with hand controls—Christ was her peace.

Amidst heartbreak, struggle, and frustration—Christ was her peace.

There is never a single moment of a single day when she is not aware of the reality of living with a disability—yet Christ has been and always will be her peace.

The writer can feel it now—it does not take heroic words to describe a hero, but simple words for simple truths. She finishes with a few brief sentences, then calls her daughter on the phone. Here is a story that I have written about you, Sweetie, she says. It starts like this:

Once there was a girl who was loved by God…


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This article has been read 1315 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Venice Kichura12/14/06
I love the creativity of this piece....so masterfully done & from a loving mom's heart, I believe.....think I know who the author is....
william price12/14/06
Excellent. I enjoyed your approach to the story. Very creative, touching and encouraging. A job well done. God bless.
Lynda Schultz 12/14/06
Great approach! A moving, inspired story. Good job.
Mo 12/14/06
Well done. Brought a tear to my eye.
Jacqueline Zerres12/14/06
Very well crafted and a tender story to boot. Great combination.
Helen Paynter12/15/06
You have used words as a skillful sculptor uses clay - in varied texture and form, unerringly forming the image you intend. Very expertly told. That's the technical bit. Very moving. That's its heart.
Pat Guy 12/15/06
I think I know ...

A precious, unique tribute to a precious, unique daughter.

Perfect as it can get for an indescribable union of hearts.

Beautiful.
Jen Davis12/15/06
I loved so many things about this piece. I loved the writer’s thoughts intermingled with the writer’s words… And her struggle to find the words to express her feelings. The ending brought me to tears and was one of the best I’ve ever read.
Amy Michelle Wiley 12/15/06
I know who wrote this peice and it is lovely. Wonderful tribute to both the daughter and to writers everywhere.
Suzanne R12/17/06
Just beautiful ... heart-breaking ... real....... 'Well done' is way too trite. What can I say?
Beth Muehlhausen12/17/06
A refreshing invitation to see "inside" the writing of this tribute! I liked the repetition of PEACE...the bottom line for believers in the midst of trial.
Marilee Alvey12/18/06
Oh, my....... My heart is so touched by this beautiful story. It shows the best of the best....the subject, as well as the author. It speaks of the strong desire 'to get it right,' to capture the incredible spirit of someone who has been forced to endure a lifelong hardship at a young age...and her mother, as well. It so clearly shows the Holy Spirit's work of encouragement. It is an amazing story and one of the few that can be called "a testament" to faith and trust. Thanks for this gift!
Stephen Paynter12/18/06
A very moving entry ... a very moving reality. I especially loved the way you used the difficulty of writing the story to communicate the profundity of the writer's love for this "unsung hero". Truly special.
Catrina Bradley 12/19/06
Heartwrenching, yet full of hope. Lovely - and loved your format. Thanks for sharing this story.
Lynda Lee Schab 12/19/06
Simply precious. Wonderfully creative entry on topic. Bravo!
Donna Emery12/19/06
A lovely story and a lovely look into the mind of a writer and the many ways she sees her daughter. Thanks for sharing this
Joanne Sher 12/20/06
Wow wow WOW - I am assuming this is Jericho, Jan. This is simply, utterly, incredibly amazing. Bravo. What everyone else said :)
Sandra Petersen 12/20/06
Very close to tears here! If this doesn't place I'll quit writing forever. How precious and beautiful.

Especially effective was the back and forth exchange of the writer's italicized thoughts and actions and the actual words she wrote. Your descriptions were like an embrace from the Lord. Your title was perfect, the conclusion right on. I'm glad I read this.
Donna Haug12/20/06
"A second tear trickled past the stone in her throat ..." Powerful. Beautifully done. What a tribute - to a daughter who is loved and admired - but also to a Lord that gives peace in the most trying circumstances. Great job!
Betty Castleberry12/20/06
So touching. It captures both a mother's thoughts about her daughter, as well as a writer's frustration to put those on papaer. Very well done.
Ann Grover12/20/06
Beautiful.
Leigh MacKelvey12/20/06
.. and amazing. Reminds me of Joni.
Sara Harricharan 12/21/06
I was wondering where this was going in the beginning, who the writer was writing about, I loved the end when it turned out to be her own daughther! Very heartfelt verses woven in here and a very appropriate title! Good job!
Thanks for commenting on "Mistaken War Hero"
Sue Dent12/21/06
You would write this on the week I was judging. I knew whose it was right away because I knew your daughter's story. But even at that, I judged with a un-bias eye. You just can't overlook excellence though! Merry Christmas. How did the wedding go anyway? I missed the end of that thread.
Mark Anthony Belosa12/21/06
Hi Jan!

I just wanted you to know that I am a big fan of yours. I love to read your stories. You are so creative! And your stories touch the heart and always bring a smile to my face! Happy holidays and God bless!
Mark Anthony Belosa12/21/06
I also found a spiritual parallel here:

You can do it, dear heart.
Sit up and look to Me.
You can do it, child of Mine.
Crawl to where I have stooped for you.
You can do it, precious daughter.
A step to Me—I have always been here.


And also a parallel to the story as a whole... living with a thorn in the flesh... manifesting the power of God in our weakness...

Thank you for writing this piece. I am so blessed!
cindy yarger12/23/06
Jan - beautiful job!
Bonnie Derksen01/24/07
Jan...
This was amazing!... You and your daughter are amazing!
More than that, God's grace is amazing and abundant and by your testimony, sufficient for the difficulty.
I LOVE your daughter's words, in the midst of the tragedy even before Hope could begin her work, "I feel at peace".
Our Heavenly Father is glorified by your writing of His work in your life.
What He has done for you, He will surely do for me. I am so thankful that we are His kids.
Blessings on your pen, friend.


   
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