Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)
TITLE: There Are No Words
By Joanne Malley
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Of one hundred women polled, ninety-seven claim shopping more important than acquiring their next breath.
Although I’m really embarrassed to belong to the group willing to die in the name of a sale, make no mistake…I still took my discount coupons as well as my store card and headed straight to the food mart.
Even though we girls are able to say that four-letter word, “sale” at the moment of our birth, it has created problems and unpleasant physical symptoms for us ever since. It also turns that same pack of ninety-seven women into God’s least favorite species for the duration of the sale.
Upon entering the store, I noticed melodies coming from the overhead stereo system – you know – those hideous tunes that have no words. But, I regarded the sound as a minor insurance policy in regard to the other shoppers. I rested comfortably knowing that the peaceful, melodious sound might create a calming effect on those who tried to load up their cart with twelve dozen cans of creamed artichokes before me.
I could hardly think straight and was overcome with dizzying excitement. Signs claiming huge savings made me wobble, but I felt at ease knowing my paper bag remained tucked away in case hyperventilation kicked in. I brought extras and received gracious thanks as I handed them to those who had trouble breathing. I also looked above and thanked God for the calming, peaceful music at a time like this.
As the thoughtful one, I also drank six cups of chamomile tea before I left. I wanted to ensure that I’d display only calm behavior and make wise choices while on my quest for bargains. After all, I had tons of unnecessary items to buy.
I was appalled when countless women used their baby strollers as tripping devices and their bratty kids as weapons to bite the ankles of a little old lady holding three cans of prunes. If you ask me, anyone who sends their children to harm a granny with constipation is ruthless. Countless catfights were in progress in Aisle 3, but I’m happy to report that I had pen and paper to keep perfect score.
Perhaps if they listened to the calming melodies that were piped in through the store’s stereo system, their bad behavior wouldn’t be a topic of discussion right now.
The only thing that brings me a sense of pride to belong to this group is that I have learned the Godly art of rejoicing through being part of the blockbuster Can-Can sale.
I’d liked to also report that all went well - not just because of the sedative qualities of the tea and my exemplary behavior, but because I managed to load up like never before. I noticed plenty of whispering from other women and for some strange reason, seemed to clear out every isle.
I toyed with the fact that my pink Mohawk, white, thigh-high boots and leather spike wristlets made hordes of housewives envious of me. Or maybe it was my neck collar.
Jealousy’s a killer, you know, but I had no time for guilt. My cart wasn’t full yet.
When I exited the store, I was still able to hear the melodies of the dreaded elevator-type music, but began to actually welcome the sound.
As I walked to my car, I hummed to some of the melodies that resonated from the store. Thank goodness I didn’t feel compelled to sing the words that went with the tunes. That would have been more embarrassing than the previous actions of my fellow shoppers.
In a moment of complete confidence – when no one was looking – I swayed to one of the songs. The euphoria and rush I felt after finding such bargains can’t be put into words. There was nothing to do but rejoice through body language.
You know, I used to wonder why God never gave me the ability to carry a tune, because I admire that gift a few of my friends received. However, I am thankful enough for the keen shopping sense he gave me as well as my ability to save a buck.
Although I’ve yet to have my fill of bargains, I’m certain I’ve had my fill of instrumental melodies for a while. But I’ll never get my fill of having Him next to me wherever I go.
On a note of fashion, I know He, too, liked my outfit that day. I clearly heard Him say…”Child, there simply are no words.”
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