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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Vision (08/03/06)

TITLE: I Got Lost
By Kenny Blade
08/09/06


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I got lost.

Donít bother asking me how it happened. If I knew, I wouldnít have gotten lost. No one ever begins by saying to themselves, ďI think Iíll wander aimlessly for the next several years with no goal or direction in mind.Ē

Doesnít matter what the intention was when I began. Lost is lost. Sometimes I wish I could say that it was drugs or alcohol. I would have settled for having a girl lead me from the straight and narrow with her charms. Iím easily led astray. She wouldnít have had to work very hard to accomplish the task.

The saddest part of it all is that I honestly have no idea what created the predicament I find myself in. My parents are great. They love each other, me, my brothers and sisters, the dog and are even quite fond of the mailman. I was a good student. Maybe not Valedictorian, but I did graduate tenth in my class.

I had good friends. All of them have pretty much found their path in life. Sure there have been bumps along the way, but they never seem to stray too far from the road they have chosen. I miss them a lot. After high school, life seemed to get in the way of the promises we made to each other.

Sometimes I wish I had turned to a life of crime. It may be temporary in nature, but the excitement of it all would be nice while it lasted. Thatís just not me, however. I couldnít steal a pack of sugar from the McDonaldís in town. I was born terminally honest.

I read once where Billy Swan recorded the song: ďI Can HelpĒ back in the seventies with his bulldog chewing on his leg the entire time. He didnít have enough money to re-record the song, so he toughed it out and sang through the pain of his dog chewing into his calf. If you listen to the song you canít tell it. I would give anything to have that kind of poise under pressure for one minute. I am so envious of that kind of focus and determination that it makes me physically ill to think about it.

Why do I tell you all of this? Who knows? I donít expect you to listen. I quit listening myself years ago. Pain and pleasure carry no distinction in my life anymore. I donít care if you listen. I donít care if you care. Donít get the idea that this is a pity party. You have to have the ability to feel pity before you can throw one of those. The world is flying apart like a dandelion in a strong wind. I used to feel like Israel. Me against the world. Trouble with that is everybody kraps on you and then you get demonized for defending yourself. Israel is supposed to be a ďChosenĒ race. Best I can tell, being ďChosenĒ just plain sucks most of the time.

I finally realized I wasnít chosen for anything. Iím cool with that. The world leaves me alone as long as I donít take a stand against it. I can live with that. My dad used to say that what I did today would determine who I was ten years from now. I guess that has always been the problem. I canít bear the thought of five minutes from now. Seeing me ten years from now is impossible.

I guess what I am trying to say with my trademark rambling is that this is what you are getting. Nothing more - nothing less. Iím not afraid of what comes next because I really donít care. If dad and mom were here, Iíd tell them I loved them. Not because I do, but because it makes them happy. The two of them always lived for tomorrow. I have always waited patiently for the day to come that was too painful to complete. They say heaven is full of hope. I can see the gleam in my grandmotherís eyes when she talks about it. Iíve squinted as hard as I can. I donít see what she sees.

Sheíll be in heaven soon. Iím sure of that. Just like Iíll be seeing you soon. She tells me that the flames there are hotter than anything we can imagine here. Thatís good. Maybe theyíll be hot enough for me to feel them. Itíll be nice to feel something again.


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This article has been read 692 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Kevin Kindrick08/10/06
Wow. This is a deeply honest piece - and I can only hope and pray that it was written to make a point rather than from experience.
If from experience, please, listen to this old cliche one more time, and trust that God still has a plan. He is truly good enough to bring us through the hardest of times, if only we seek His guidance.

God bless,

Kevin
Barbara Ann Smith08/12/06
As I read your story, it was obvious how lost and alone you truly feel. I immediately wished I could let you feel how much I loved Christ Jesus. If for only a second you could but feel the peace, comfort, joy, love and devotion He has given me in my life. I'll pray that He will touch you in a mighty way and let you feel His true love and internal-peace and I know then you will be at peace. God Bless You.
Pat Guy 08/14/06
Poignant, well written, focused and sad. This entry portrays the opposite - no vision. Which is the state of people that pass us everywhere - everyday, and this is their plea.
Venice Kichura08/14/06
Great take on "vision". I really enjoyed this.
Jan Ackerson 08/15/06
This is a powerful piece! Very wry in tone, and highly readable. I enjoy your style, and I suspect this is fictional rather than journal-like. Veyr writerly.
Beth Muehlhausen08/15/06
You bring your reader right into this person's heart - no pretending! Several quotes stood out, and seemed to punctuate the story:

"Lost is lost."

"I was born terminally honest."

"Iíve squinted as hard as I can. I donít see what she sees."

You've described "lost" with brutal honesty. Good job.

Joanne Malley08/17/06
I personally don't think this is "crap" as you put it. This is "real," and a healty dose of truth - what we all need in order to grow. It's the complete opposite of vision, which brings forth the point even more. Very relatable. Good stuff. Jo