The Official Writing Challenge
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08/16/05
I have a blind friend and this sounds just like us! Cool! Thanks.
I like this. very "visual" writing.
Sisters on tour! Fun dialogue here...
08/19/05
Very fun! Enjoyed it. Some of the narrative was unneccesary. The dialog did the job well.
Very nice twist on the theme.
08/19/05
I loved the banter between the sisters! Too fun! I'll admit a couple times I got slightly confused (but that could be just me having a ditzy moment). Loved the whole concept you developed. I did notice a couple small grammatical errors but nothing that detracted from the story.
Well done!
Blessings, Lynda
08/19/05
I think with a little bit of tightening up (spelling, inconsistent tenses), this piece would be great. I'm not even really clear on the ages of the two girls...but I loved the message of hope and encouragement.
08/20/05
Very good dialog, an enjoyable story :)
I'll admit that the changes in tense were a distraction for me, and I found some of the dialogue confusing. Thorough proof reading will solve many of these problems. I liked your concept of the "virtual sightseeing" but thought that you could have broken up the dialogue a little more to better describe the scene and the characters of the two girls. Thanks for sharing - blessings :)
08/20/05
We have a disabled friend (not blind) but he often says he can't do something or "I was born that way". This sounded a lot like us! My favorite is when he burps at the table and blames it on "being born that way". We don't let him get away with it. :)
08/21/05
I can live with the dialogue. I'd like to see a little more description of the scene in there... a better balance. But they sure sounded like siblings! lol! Good job!
08/22/05
Sweet story; had a special charm to it. Loved the light-hearted diaglog! Good job! :) Jo
09/01/05
Pat, this was such a good entry and the judges thought so too. I'm a bit late getting around to let everyone know, but you were in the semi-finals for the Sightseeing Challenge and came in at 11th place. Well done! Love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)