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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Hard and Soft (04/23/09)
Ten year old Jimmy slowly raised his right hand,
Said "I Do" to the Bailiff, then took his place on the stand.
The Jury sat motionless looking stoic and grim
But the defendant smiled kindly, when she looked at him.

"Good Morning, young man, there is nothing to fear,
Just state your full name, please, loud and clear."

"Well Sir, My real is James Harley McPort
But they all call me Jimmy or Jim for short."

"Alright," said the attorney, "I'll call you Jim.
And you know why we're here, Jim, to tell the truth,
We must know what happened that fateful night
Between your father Jake, and your mother Ruth..

"You know that your mother's life is at stake,
So tell us a little something about your father Jake?"


"Well, Dad is"...(Jim paused)..."WAS...an ex- Marine
So he was a hardnose, you know, tough and mean.
While Mom was so different.... kinda like soft, silky fluff
And never fought back when dad got rowdy or rough.

"Well, the night it happened, Mom was cooking stew
When Dad came home drunk after tipping a few.
He started yelling something about 'wanting steak!'
Then I heard a loud CRASH, and Momma shouted, 'Don't hit me, Jake.'

" I ran in the kitchen and saw Dad on the floor
And Mom held a skillet, mumbling softly,' He won't hit me no more.'
.
"She didn't mean to kill him, Judge, and that's no lie!
Momma told me herself, and my mom don't lie.
She wanted to give him just a bump on the head
To stop him from hurting her, but she didn't want him dead."

When Jimmy was finished, his mother looked proud,
And there wasn't a dry eye in the whole Courtroom crowd.
Then he passed by the Jury Box on his way outside
And heard soft muffled sobs and saw the tears they couldn't hide.

This, to the young boy, was a Heavenly sign
That the Jurors believed him and his Mom would be fine.
So when Jimmy got outside, he looked up to the sky,
And said,"Thank You, Jesus, and I'm sure You know why."
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This article has been read 1295 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Joanne Sher 
05/03/09
Great ending - love that he puts it in God's hands.

May just be me, but the rhythm of the poem felt too "up" for the subject matter. I was expecting this to be more lighthearted because of the meter.

Very nice descriptions.
Marilyn Schnepp 
05/08/09
Author's Note to Self:
#12th in Top 40 List.
Eliza Evans 
05/08/09
You did a really great job here. Almost an EC!

I wish you would hint over on the message board Marilyn. (Usually on Mons and Weds) Then more people could enjoy your writing.

You give such great feedback to other people...you deserve some, too. :)
Charla Diehl
05/08/09
One picky point: this stanza doesn't follow the same rhyme pattern as the rest of your poem, so it kind of throws the reader off:
"Alright," said the attorney, "I'll call you Jim.
And you know why we're here, Jim, to tell the truth,
We must know what happened that fateful night
Between your father Jake, and your mother Ruth..
Other than that, this was a good entry. Congrats on your placement.