Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write in the ROMANCE genre (04/19/07)
-
TITLE: Friday Afternoon Distractions | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ruth Neilson
04/24/07 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Bread, ham, Swiss cheese, crackers, fruit, salad dressing...
Alan watched the captivating redhead from the corner of his eye. He was amazed at the sheer amount of skill that she displayed maneuvering the wheelchair while reaching for items over her head.
She wasn’t beautiful, but wasn’t ugly at the same time. If Alan had to describe her in one word, it would be plain. The frizzy curls were pulled out of her face in a ponytail and her piercing green eyes were focused on a box several shelves up. Her small mouth was twisted into a strange combination of a determined smirk and a frown.
Her strength and determination drew him to her. And she didn’t notice him.
Every Friday afternoon at four, she would wheel in to do her weekly shopping, sometimes alone, other days with her roommate—a blonde that she called Carrie. The blonde was quick to laugh and drew a smile to the lips of the redhead...Katrina...
Alan’s heart fluttered every time that she came in.
Milk, apple juice, chips, cereal, garbage bags, Popsicles...
Katrina offers him a shy smile. Green eyes meet brown and Alan felt his stomach churn. Quickly wiping sweaty palms on his black slacks, he rang up her purchases.
“Hi.” Katrina murmured, reaching up to hand him a check. One delicately strong hand rested on a wheel to keep her chair steady.
“Didja find everything that you need.” Alan asked, accepting the check, carefully punching the correct keys to finish ringing up her purchases.
She nodded, dipping her head once. A real smile rested on her lips.
“Good, I’m glad.”
The blonde girl was rolling her eyes with a stupid grin on her face. She maneuvered her way behind the grocery basket, edging it towards the door. Katrina didn’t move though.
“I guess, I’ll see you next week then.” She began.
He laughed, nervously. “Yeah, next week.”
A stupid grin crossed his face as he watched the redhead named Katrina wheel out of the store. Maybe he wasn’t the only one looking forward to the Friday afternoon distractions at the grocery store.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
A few minor grammar problems: a misplaced modifier and a tense shift--no big deal.
I like the open-ended ending, full of hope. Quite lovely and satisfying.
I did notice a few tense changes throughout -- easy enough to correct.
Well done.