Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
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TITLE: DIFFERENCES | Previous Challenge Entry
By Dennis Van Scoy
04/17/07 -
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than just love and companionship when He instituted marriage between man and woman. I’m sure He must have chuckled a bit when He considered the possible scenarios to be developed through the merging of two such extreme opposites under one roof. Could it be there’s a bit of prankster in His wonderful divinity, as He watches us lovingly stumble over our differences and “bob and weave” through the diplomacy of daily marital adjustments?
Just as example, there’s this whole thing about shopping. We men like to set land speed records going in and out of stores. We know what we want, go in and get it, then rush on
home leaving just a vapor trail,__ it’s because we don’t need to think, we purchase according to necessity and impulse. Women on the other hand are the analyzers, the thinkers, they have to know where the product was made,__when it was made,__ what it’s made of and who made it, not to mention that whole meticulous business about price comparisons.
Most men are good for about 45 minutes with their wives at the mall. After that, their eyes start to glaze over and they end up vegetating on some bench outside a shoe store, listening to their arteries harden. I mean, how many times does a woman need to look at an item before making a purchase? That’s why they set closing times, so women will be forced to go home. Oh, I’ll admit we men will indeed slow considerably for say a Cabella’s or a Home Depot, but one look at each product will usually answer our essential concerns regarding size and/or torque, then we buy or not, and it’s “on the road again”.
We mustn’t forget, those impromptu trips to the store for foods. Most men call it “picking up a few items”, but women proclaim it “GROCERY SHOPPING”! With the noblest of intentions, we men can start out with a short list of essentials, but unless we are magically able to sneak out past the “better half”, we’re destined to end up with a list as long as an arm, encompassing everything from anchovies to zucchini. I guess it’s because women are focused on the “big picture” or long term, and us guys more locked down on the present need, but I know it’s gotta be giving our Creator a case of the godly giggles.
Domestic conversation might likewise be another “heavenly hoot” for God, in that our gender characteristics often hinder
daily communication in humorous fashion. For example, a woman can be in the Kitchen of a house addressing her husband who has long since been out mowing the lawn, or involved in
some other activity long removed from the hearing of her voice. Such situations often go unnoticed by the woman as she is engrossed in her domestic efforts, and the man can sometimes even return with the woman totally unaware of his previous
absence. Men often consider this a successful achievement of mimicked “invisibility” or “omnipresence”, however taking due
caution to never reveal that secret to the woman for fear of great
bodily harm.
Another odd characteristic of human domestic communication is that of “selective hearing loss”. This is a condition commonly developed among married men, which seems to grow increasingly acute with age. It is a syndrome in which the woman’s words of direction amazingly pass through the man’s ears without resonating on any level of mental acuity. This is most commonly connected with communications regarding assigned chores, driving guidance and social suggestions. Interestingly enough, the man will be able to recall precisely all communication revolving around the words of direction, save the directions themselves.
Finally, that enduring woman, daughter of a patient and loving God, graciously cleans up after her “prince Charming”stretched out in the recliner and snoring like a buzz-saw. She picks up his shoes and his smelly socks, folds up his newspaper and plants a tender kiss firmly on his forehead. In the vernacular of the world “he ain’t no prize”, but God smiles because love is there, and those differences make up the sweet
symphony of marriage producing Fatherly laughter in heavenly realms.
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