The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/21/06
This has the feeling of being narrated by an outside observer, until the last two paragraphs with two POV switches. Would you consider writing it from Jerry's POV? It might help your readers to more fully understand to depths to which Jerry has sunk. Nice start--run with this!
07/23/06
Jerry's sudden awakening is an eye-opener for the Reader; definitely making an impact with a message that is loud and clear. AND... the ending with reflections of two "dark" angels and a revengeful killing? An ironic twist that brings it home! Nicely done.
07/27/06
A powerful story indeed. The POVs are a little distracting. The identity of the pushy driver is a loose end. Other wise it has a good moral and can stand by itself. Keep writing!