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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Soul (07/13/06)

TITLE: Jerry's Sad Awakening
By
07/15/06


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Jerry had been living “high on the hog,” for a long time and it seemed that there was no end to his desire for the pleasures of life. Thirty-five years old, married and the father of two little boys and a good provider, he felt that he was doing everything right. Yes, time and money were on his side. Or, so he thought...

But, what most people didn’t know about Jerry, including his wife, was that he was having an affair with a married woman and working some underhanded business deals—both of which, unfortunately would come to a sad end.

Most of all, the really sad thing about all of this, was that Jerry had no clue of what was coming his way....

He had plans to meet with Mary, his lover, tomorrow evening and the day after, a business deal appointment that would, he hoped, make him a very wealthy man.

The day to meet his lover started off as usual, breakfast with the family, then some quality work at his firm until six and then the ride to Emeldo’s, the restaurant on the west side of town where he would meet and dine with Mary.

It was on the ride to Emeldo’s—that’s when everything changed. The drive began calm and routine but soon he noticed that someone was following him and way too close. He sped up, hoping that he could leave the somewhat obnoxious and “pushy” driver behind but found that that only made the driver even more hostile.

Soon, the driver behind got close enough to jab his back bumper. Seconds later, he did it again…

The third time he slammed into Jerry’s bumper was forceful enough to shove Jerry into a deep ditch; his head hitting the dashboard and blood flying everywhere.

Then, with blurry eyes he looked up and out the car window and saw a refection of himself looking back at him with a look of great sadness and doom. There were two angels on each side of his reflection but there was no radiance or goodness in either of them. Right then, Jerry knew that it was too late. His soul was on its way to eternal darkness. He had waited too long.

The driver who pushed Jerry into the ditch; however, was feeling good. You see, Mary was now all his!


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This article has been read 769 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 07/21/06
This has the feeling of being narrated by an outside observer, until the last two paragraphs with two POV switches. Would you consider writing it from Jerry's POV? It might help your readers to more fully understand to depths to which Jerry has sunk. Nice start--run with this!
Marilyn Schnepp 07/23/06
Jerry's sudden awakening is an eye-opener for the Reader; definitely making an impact with a message that is loud and clear. AND... the ending with reflections of two "dark" angels and a revengeful killing? An ironic twist that brings it home! Nicely done.
Anthony David07/27/06
A powerful story indeed. The POVs are a little distracting. The identity of the pushy driver is a loose end. Other wise it has a good moral and can stand by itself. Keep writing!