The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/21/06
I like the narrative style here--you could have written it from the POV of one of the students, but this way, it was more like a slide show of the work they did. Nice.

Take a look at your third paragraph, where you use "filled their hearts" twice and "filled" in the next sentence. A tiny "tweak."

Very descriptive without falling into purple prose. Good job.
07/21/06
Good report. Great reminder. More like a newspaper column. Cool!
07/22/06
A nice enjoyable entry. A little wordy at times. Some tightening up would have made it flow a lil better. I thought the last sentence of your lead paragraph might have made a better lead sentence. But, that's being real picky and only offer it because this is a good story. The message really touched my heart. Kids doing the right thing don't always get the recognition. Good job. God bless.
07/22/06
A sad, true life story; however, for a "contest" (The challenge) - I would suggest dialogue, or something to keep the reader interested, and not allow the story to become bogged down and mundane. Just a suggestion, from a reader's standpoint.
07/23/06
I didn’t understand the title until I came across the word ‘mildew’ halfway down. Kept wondering if it was a place name or an as yet unrevealed character.