The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/08/05
>>> Just as quietly as she had whispered she was gone. <<<


Loved that line.


There were nice surprises sprinkled throughout this piece, making it well worth reading.

However, when you strung little bites of dialog one after the other, without attributing them to a speaker, it got a bit confusing. Also, as much as I enjoyed reading it, I'm not sure I see a clear tie to the topic. I'll have to read it again at a future date.

Thanks for posting. It's a good one.
03/09/05
I would love to read the long version of this story, unfortunately with only 750 words it is difficult to squeeze in so much. You have a nice style of writing.
I love the description in this piece. So rich, the skin as black as Alabama soil, the hair as red as flame, the milk white skin, eyes as big as quarters, the accuser that slithered away. Delightful!

I too found the dialog without tags confusing. I had to read twice to figure out who was telling the story.

Still AWESOME work. Enjoyed it greatly.
I had the same problem in following the dialog with out tags too. But it was worth going back and 'getting it" as the story unfolded. It had a true voice ringing here.
03/11/05
I love your story.
Look forward to reading more.

Kathy