The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 973 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Great message, nice title. This was a fun read.
Clever slant on abundance as the enemy's counterfeit! Well-written, nice flow.

One note: In a several places you punctuated as if for a dialogue tag, when it was actually a separate sentence. For example, "You need to hear my proposal,” I tried to disguise my displeasure." Less confusing for the reader to use a period and make it two sentences.

Nitpick notwithstanding, I really like this one!


I agree--This is a creative piece on how 'old slew foot snags us....Oh, but the power of prayer!
06/17/06
Your opening paragraph caught my attention. I liked the closing paragraph too. At first I thought it might be a time-share salesperson or something! "“What can it hurt?” frustration began to build.." came far too early in the narrative. Pat had not said enough for that to happen. I am not sure that the content of the dialogue rang true. It was almost a philosophical debate at times.
06/20/06
Nice twist! I enjoyed the voice behind it. Good beginning and great tie up.:)
06/20/06
I wasn't sure where you were going and that kept me interested. I was surprised to discover who the salesman was. That is the enemies goal; always. I think the fact that Pat was reading the Word, and praying enabled him to see the attack. Great job!
06/20/06
very strong writing, as we've come to expect from you. Great message as well. Your dialogue has really improved over the months. I think the frustration came a beat too early ... but aside from that, right on!
06/20/06
Excellent twist. Captivating read. A nice creative angle with this story. Good job.
06/21/06
I particularly liked your twist halfway through when it dawned on me that this was no normal salesman.
06/21/06
Oh, very clever! I liked this a lot.