Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Abundance (06/08/06)
TITLE: Come Home Stanley Doe
By Rod Loche
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“Oh there you are. Come, come. We haven’t got all day.”
The man speaking was tall and refined. He sat behind a large desk. His voice was deep, and he wore a small pair of spectacles down on his nose as he perused a large stack of papers. His smaller assistant Remy was sitting to his left at a smaller desk.
“Welcome to your 10 year review Mr. Doe. Please sit down?”
“Clearly this is your first visit to headquarters. I would have Remy give you the tour if we weren’t in such a hurry. Maybe there will be time at your 20 year.”
“Um, what am I being reviewed for exactly?”
“Your job performance of course.”
“Is this Diablo Marketing? I work for Diablo Marketing.”
“There must be some mistake?”
“According to my records you were baptized on April 21st 1996. Is that correct?”
“Yes, I guess so?”
“Well then, you’ve been with our organization for quite a while now.”
Stanley sits looking bewildered. Then he replies with utter shock.
“Oh that organization!”
“Yes Mr. Doe, that organization.”
“So this must mean that you guys are like angels right?”
“No Mr. Doe. We are not like angels. We are angels.”
Stanley begins speaking to himself.
“Marcia told me not to eat that burrito after midnight.”
“You don’t believe me Mr. Doe?”
Stanley just keeps muttering to himself. Remy comments.
“He’s from Missouri sir.”
“Oh, the Show Me state.”
A beautiful pair of white wings raise from the man’s back. They stretch high into the air and their shadow overcomes Stanley. Then, as quickly as they arose they disappear behind the man again.
“Now may we move on with more pressing business Doubting Thomas?”
Stanley can’t speak.
“I’ll trust that look of awe means yes. Now, it says here that you haven’t been showing up for work.”
“That’s not true! I have an excellent work record!”
“Well Mr. Doe if you will turn your attention to the pie chart on the left you will see that your record leaves a lot to be desired.”
Stanley squints to the left and sees nothing.
“My left Mr. Doe.”
“Oh, of course.”
“This chart illustrates how you have managed your time over the years. According to the red section you spend approximately 68% of your time with Diablo Marketing. The blue section represents the amount of time you spend with your wife, 16%. The green section is time spent with your daughter Kim, 7%. And the orange section is time spent with your parents, a dismal 0.5%, less time than you spend golfing.”
“That’s not fare! I, I took Kim to the movies to see Shrek last month!”
Remy enters the conversation.
“I saw that. It was excellent!”
“Kim loved it. The best part was…”
“Silence! Mr. Doe this is serious! Aside from your poor performance at home you have also neglected to attend our Sunday gatherings even though your brother John continues to invite you!”
“I’ve been kind of busy, (nonchalantly removing his Kansas City Chiefs cap.)”
“Mr. Doe I may not have the authority to fire you, but I can certainly
“Oh, no sir, please! I can’t be re-assigned! I love my family.”
“Well I expect you to act like it. Have you at least gone over the company manual?”
“He does have a manual, right Remy?”
“It says in the profile that he has 6 different translations. His NIV is in his garage balancing the broken leg on the pool table.”
“At least it’s being put to good use (glaring at Stanley over his spectacles). Mr. Doe I will be watching you. You’d better start putting up some better numbers or trust me; you’ll be a divorced dad selling hot dogs at those Chiefs games you enjoy so much.”
Suddenly Stanley awoke in bed. He glanced at his wife and smiled thankfully, then he noticed that his Chiefs cap that usually sat next to the bed was gone. In its place was an Angels cap.
At his twenty year review Stanley was promoted to Grandpa.
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