The Official Writing Challenge
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Great title and message.
My favorite lines are "for all that is not needed;
for all she cannot trust." Good job!
Nice comparison with the "jewel" and "queen" images! You kept the rhyrhm moving, too. Did you mean to say her eyes "peak" or her eyes "peek?" Strong, clear message!
06/17/06
A good poem and right on topic. The opening four verses really set the scene. I thought that you did not always maintain the rhythm or meter.

I think that for me, when it comes to writing rhyming poetry there is a tendency to write lots of verses, simply because I can, and those extra verses may not really add to the message I am trying to get across.
The Tiffanys of this world are abundant and so in need of a Savior! Your poem is descriptive and true. The rhythm was good, but broke down in a few places. Overall, a great read.
06/17/06
Loved the story in poetry - a great accomplishment in itself, and very enjoyable to read.

Wonderful approach to the topic of abundance!...and so relevant to this modern, 'Hollywood' style crazed culture!
06/20/06
I read this earlier and never guessed it was yours, JoJo. Excellent change of style. I can't give poetry tips myself, lol, for obvious reasons, but I think this is very strong. Great job!
06/21/06
You had some great thoughts in these lines, and I'd encourage you to spend the time on it that you wanted to to polish it more because it is a good 'un.
06/21/06
Oh, the idea of that bath with the scented bubble bath ... ooh, I can almost feel it......

Excellent content, and as for poetry - wow - I admire anyone who can write it!

One little piece, perhaps, of constructive criticism is this line: "She’s never thought to share her worth
with the lowly and the poor." I wasn't so impressed with Tiffany up to that point, so was surprised to read 'worth' and wondered whether you meant 'wealth'. But then as I read the rest of the poem, I wondered if maybe you had meant worth?

Anyhow, great writing - well done! Oh - and the title is very clever.
06/21/06
I love the title, and the teensy inconsistancies in rhythm didn't really bother me; most could be read as "grace notes." If you're musical at all, that'll make sense to you. If not--suffice it to say that you've done a great job here, poetically. My only quibble is with the story line--perhaps a bit on the predictable side.
You did a great job on this one. The message was great, as was the delivery.
06/28/06
Nicely written and rhymed!
Nice job!