The Official Writing Challenge
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06/15/06
Great title and message.
06/15/06
My favorite lines are "for all that is not needed;
for all she cannot trust." Good job!
06/15/06
Nice comparison with the "jewel" and "queen" images! You kept the rhyrhm moving, too. Did you mean to say her eyes "peak" or her eyes "peek?" Strong, clear message!
06/17/06
A good poem and right on topic. The opening four verses really set the scene. I thought that you did not always maintain the rhythm or meter.

I think that for me, when it comes to writing rhyming poetry there is a tendency to write lots of verses, simply because I can, and those extra verses may not really add to the message I am trying to get across.
06/17/06
The Tiffanys of this world are abundant and so in need of a Savior! Your poem is descriptive and true. The rhythm was good, but broke down in a few places. Overall, a great read.
Pat Guy  
06/17/06
Loved the story in poetry - a great accomplishment in itself, and very enjoyable to read.

06/18/06
Wonderful approach to the topic of abundance!...and so relevant to this modern, 'Hollywood' style crazed culture!
06/20/06
I read this earlier and never guessed it was yours, JoJo. Excellent change of style. I can't give poetry tips myself, lol, for obvious reasons, but I think this is very strong. Great job!
06/21/06
You had some great thoughts in these lines, and I'd encourage you to spend the time on it that you wanted to to polish it more because it is a good 'un.
06/21/06
Oh, the idea of that bath with the scented bubble bath ... ooh, I can almost feel it......

Excellent content, and as for poetry - wow - I admire anyone who can write it!

One little piece, perhaps, of constructive criticism is this line: "She’s never thought to share her worth
with the lowly and the poor." I wasn't so impressed with Tiffany up to that point, so was surprised to read 'worth' and wondered whether you meant 'wealth'. But then as I read the rest of the poem, I wondered if maybe you had meant worth?

Anyhow, great writing - well done! Oh - and the title is very clever.
06/21/06
I love the title, and the teensy inconsistancies in rhythm didn't really bother me; most could be read as "grace notes." If you're musical at all, that'll make sense to you. If not--suffice it to say that you've done a great job here, poetically. My only quibble is with the story line--perhaps a bit on the predictable side.
06/21/06
You did a great job on this one. The message was great, as was the delivery.
06/28/06
Nicely written and rhymed!
Nice job!