The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1040 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/07/05
A beautiful, thought- provoking poem. Nicely done!
03/07/05
[For a boy that held all cards]

I think "that" should be "who". Also that line seemed a little forced. It didn't flow as well as the rest of your lines.

But, overall, a great poem that delivers an amazing lesson.

God Bless.
Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship


03/07/05
Nicely done. I really liked the last line where you make reference to granite! deeply poetic! If I may, I suggest that you keep working on your poetic flow. I am not very qualified to speak on the matter, that is just my opinion. I love you in the name of the risen Christ! Keep up the good work!
03/07/05
Very solid, and well done.I liked the "fried and panned" line - that's a gem.

You didn't need the qualifier at the beginning. Whether it is fictional or not is beside the point - you're right, it is a universal situation that most (or all) have dealt with - that's understood. The qualifier kind of diffuses the poem somewhat before the first line is even read. It would have carried a real wallop if it had been left at just the poem.

In any case, this one is very good. Thanks for posting.
03/09/05
Great ending, subtly telling it all.
It was a lite read until the ending. All I could picture is that Chuck finally couldn't take it and commited suicide thus teh granite and flowers. Then it struck me as heavy, a time for thinking we can' erase the harm we do sometimes. Maybe a good poem for middle school kids...
Wow! Sure makes you do a lot of thinking. Great job!