The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/11/06
Your write of my brother here. He is Bryan, doing it his way, knowing that he could get healing but not trusting enought to take His hand. Let's agree together about our brothers. "Touch them Lord. Amen."

The story was very good. I read it twice, once a few days ago, very quickly, and my impatience robbed of this stories richness.
A DAVEY for your heart, and good writing skills.
06/12/06
You wrote this with such an obvious tone of helplessness, I wonder if the story isn't grounded in a true situation.

You described Bryan's desparation and condition very well. Most effective lines for me: "He just looked at me. Helpless. Wanting
someone to make things right for him. Refusing to accept the only One who could."

Just one place where I got a little lost. You said that your oldest brother and family were visiting. Then you wrote '“What’s going on, Bryan?” I asked my shaved, well-dressed brother.' I know that not all inebriated persons are ill-dressed, but I got confused as to whom the question was directed. I also wondered why Bryan didn't at least greet your older brother, and vice versa.


Thank you for not making it a neat, all boxed up and wrapped-with-a-bow ending. There are many Christians who can relate to the message because of their own family members.
06/12/06
This is a touching a very real story--well-written and heartfelt.

My only suggestion would be to re-think the last paragraph, where you summarize your brother's life now. Could you have showed us that through his words or actions, as you did in the rest of the piece?

Very moving, and a picture of strength on your part.
06/12/06
Strong, powerful piece. Thank you for your honesty. Perhaps it's a trans-Atlantic spelling difference, but I would spell the last word 'elusive'. Good stuff.
I too have a brother just like this one. God can deliver them all. Good job.
06/13/06
Well done and from the heart. The paragraph mentioning your oldest brother is out-of-place, probably can be eliminated, other than that, this is really quite well done.
06/15/06
"We ‘talked’ for an hour when the desperation in his eyes and face exploded, his hands
in front of his face, fingers out-stretched, pleading, begging me for answers, “I need
PEACE! I DON’T HAVE NO PEACE! IN HERE!” he cried, banging his chest."

This story brings back tidal waves of memories. Some welcomed, some not. Receiving God's forgiveness isn't the problem in some cases. It's forgiving ourselves because we're not as forgiving as God is. Thank you for this heart touching story.